AFTER A LONG-DRAWN-OUT ARGUMENT,BIRDIEfinally agreed to leave on the condition that I check in with her every day and let her know what was happening or if I needed her. I promised her that I would, but even that felt like a lie.
In truth, I didn’t want to think about it, but I also couldn’t stop. I’d spent the entire day on Google doing my own research before I finally decided to call a cancer hotline for information. So far, what I’d learned about Lucian’s condition hadn’t been as hopeless as I’d automatically assumed. It was cancer, but it was a highly curable cancer with treatment success even in late stages.
But in my heart, I knew that wasn’t the real issue. Birdie told me that Lucian refused treatment, and if the notes I saw in the file were accurate, then it was true. It wasn’t something I wanted to wrap my head around. I didn’t want to believe that he’d just given up on living, but on reflection, his actions and words told me everything I needed to know.
He’d been preparing me for goodbye since the beginning. Even after he’d told me that he cared for me, he wanted me to know what we had was temporary. I’d been such an idiot.
All this time, I believed that maybe he would change his mind. I saw the affection in his eyes when he looked at me. I felt it in his every touch. And foolishly, I wanted to believe that I was more to him than something he could just throw away in the end.
I couldn’t figure out when it all turned upside down, but it had. I was in love with Lucian West. I was having his baby. And he was ready to give up and leave this world… and me… behind.
I spent the day alternating between hatred and sorrow, trying to determine the best course of action from this point forward. There were really only two options in this scenario.
The old Gypsy would have run. She would have run far, far away and pretended this chapter of her life had never happened, closing her heart and protecting herself from the inevitable pain to follow. But I wanted to believe there was more to me than that now.
I wanted to believe I was braver, smarter, stronger… and most of that was because of what Lucian had done for me. He’d saved me, and I accepted it, never knowing that he was the one who needed saving too.
I stared into the cavernous space of the closet we shared, my eyes moving to the items I’d already folded and packed, then unpacked several times over. I was exhausted and emotional, but this wasn’t a time in my life when I could take the easy way out. There was no easy way. If I ran, I’d be deluded to believe that Lucian would ever leave my mind or my heart.
He was my forever, and I couldn’t give him up without a fight.
It wasn’t just up to him. He didn’t get to decide for both of us. I was determined to change his mind. We would get through this ugliness, just like we’d made it through all the ugliness of our past lives. Except this time, we would do it together.
Emmanuel’s trial was starting tomorrow, so I made a conscious decision to wait until at least the first day in court had finished before I broached the subject. Even that felt like it would be an awful time, given Lucian’s projected exhaustion, but there wouldn’t be a good time to discuss it.
We just had to talk about it.
That was the only thing that mattered. At least, I thought it was.
I’d expected Lucian home around eleven. He said he wanted to get at least six hours of sleep before he got up in the morning, and even though he’d been working late every night, he was always home by eleven.
I waited up for him. I’d made him a late snack of fresh berries, just in case he was hungry. I’d showered and dressed in a silky nightgown for him, hoping that I could offer to relieve some of his tension. And then I curled up on the couch and waited.
He didn’t come home at eleven.
He didn’t come home at twelve.
And when I woke up and checked the time again, it was almost one a.m. and still no Lucian.
My airways felt like they’d sealed shut as I texted him and stared at the screen, waiting for a reply. It didn’t come, so I called him. Three times. And all three times, his phone went to voicemail.
I paced the length of the room while I texted Ace, whom Lucian had made me add to my contacts, just in case. Ace texted me back, unconcerned, telling me that Lucian always went a little crazy before a trial. But in my gut, I knew that wasn’t it. Lucian should have been home by now, and if he wasn’t, there was something wrong.
I grabbed a long coat from the closet and tied it around myself, concealing my nightgown as I snagged my car keys from the hall table. I drove to Lucian’s office, but his car wasn’t in the lot.
I tried dialing him again, but the phone went straight to voicemail. There were only so many places he could be at this late hour, and I knew from experience the church would be locked. But there was still a possibility he might be visiting with Cristian, so I drove there anyway. His car wasn’t there either. And that left only one other place I could check. It was my last resort.
I drove to the club with white knuckles wrapped around the steering wheel. Lucian should have no reason to be there. That was what I kept telling myself as I blasted music with the window down to keep myself from thinking too much. But when I pulled into the lot, I recognized the Dodge Demon with Nevada plates right away. And when I swallowed, it felt like a handful of nails had lodged in my esophagus.
Why was he here?
That was the only question I had because I already knew what he’d be doing. There was only one reason for him to come here, but I didn’t know why. The why was what haunted me as I got out of the car and walked to the door, entering the same pin code I’d witnessed Lucian enter before.
Inside, I was stopped in the foyer, at the ready with an explanation, but the guys at the door were the same ones I’d seen before, and they recognized me immediately.
With a brisk pat down and a nod, I was granted entry into the house, and a part of me almost regretted it. I didn’t want to see what waited for me upstairs, but my feet drew me there regardless.
Up, and up, and up, I climbed until I reached that secret room that Lucian had first taken me. I took a deep breath and braced myself as I entered, uncertain how bad it was going to be. But nothing could have prepared me for what I found next.