He didn’t want a baby. He’d been down this road before, and it all ended so horribly, I couldn’t blame him. But I had to wonder why he’d never even mentioned birth control. It gave me another reason to hate him, which I’d been carefully storing up in my arsenal for the inevitable moment when he would tell me our marriage was over and it was time to say goodbye.
But I didn’t want to hate him. And I couldn’t hate this situation, no matter how much he might not like it. I was irresponsible too. We both were. And this was what happened when you played with fire.
We both got burned.
“Gypsy?”
I looked at the doctor and tried to shake myself out of it, but Birdie was the one to answer.
“She’s always been anxious. She has panic attacks sometimes, and she worries too much. She imagines every worst-case scenario, and she’s overly protective—”
“All right, Birdie.” I glared. “She gets it.”
The doctor nodded and scribbled down some notes before returning her gaze to me. “We have several options to cope with anxiety during pregnancy. There are some low-risk prescriptions available, but I’m hesitant to write you a script if it’s not necessary. I’d prefer that you see a therapist first to employ some behavioral therapies instead.”
“I already have a therapist,” I told her.
Birdie arched her brow at me, doubtful, but it was a half-truth. Father Hawk was like my therapist, and even if he wasn’t medically qualified, he did help to ease my anxiety. I already knew that when I had a spare moment to speak with him, that was the first place I’d be going.
“Great,” the doctor answered. “I’ll just need their name.”
“Cristian Hawk,” I replied quietly.
Her eyebrows pinched together as she scribbled down the name. “All right. I’d like you to see him on a weekly basis for the time being, and we can go over any additional treatment plans at your follow-up visit.”
I nodded, and it felt as though cement weighed me down against the table.
“Any other questions?” the doctor asked.
I offered her a pacifying smile. “Nope. I think we’re good.”
“YOU CAN’T TELLLUCIAN.”
Birdie looked at me from the passenger seat. “I thought you weren’t having sex with him.”
I did not want to have this conversation with my sister. We didn’t have the normal introduction to the birds and the bees, and it was a topic we’d both avoided at all costs for most of our life. At least with each other.
It was still too raw to discuss. Or at least, that was what I told myself because it was more comfortable that way. I didn’t ever want to know the gory details of what happened to Birdie while I was in juvie. That was probably selfish of me, but I didn’t think my brain could actually handle it. But if there were ever a day that she came to me and told me she wanted to discuss it, I would have done it. For her.
“We were having sex,” I said. “It happened later.”
She was quiet for a while, staring out the window while I drove with an iron grip on the steering wheel. When she finally did speak again, her voice was softer. “You know I’ll help you. We can get a place together, and I’ll learn how to take care of babies. It’s going to be all right.”
I shook my head. “Lucian’s going to help me.”
I wanted to believe what I was telling her, but I didn’t believe it myself, and I just hoped Birdie didn’t sense it.
“Please don’t tell me you’ve fallen for him, Gypsy,” she said.
I shot her a defensive look and shrugged my shoulders. “We have a contract, remember? Two years.”
“This isn’t about the contract,” she argued. “I can see it on your face when you look at him. Have you forgotten that this is the same guy who’s blackmailing you? Have you forgotten that he’s a piece of shit attorney who—”
“Don’t say that about him,” I snarled.
Birdie looked at me, eyes wide, and I immediately felt guilty. I’d never yelled at her before. But my limbs were shaking, and now was not the time to have this conversation. I wished she would see that.
“You don’t know the kind of work he does,” I explained. “Nobody does. His cases are more complicated than they sound.”