I said this even as I tore at her shirt. My shirt. It came up over her head, and that was the only thing she was wearing.
“Fuck.” I drew a hand over my face and tried to block it out. The image of her naked and wanting, swollen with my child and wet between her thighs. It was the most inviting she’d ever looked, and I couldn’t find the words to deny her. Gypsy unzipped my jeans and grazed my dick through the briefs I was wearing, and it was all over.
“No.” I grabbed her hand in mine, and she blinked at me. “Inside you.”
It was the only thing I could manage to get out before she pinned me on my back and climbed on top of me. I hadn’t let a woman get on top of me since before I went to prison, and I couldn’t imagine that I was going to like it now. But seeing her in the early light of morning, her curves silhouetted by the shadows in the room, I didn’t have any further protests. She was the most beautiful temptress I’d ever known, and even I couldn’t resist her now.
She pulled my briefs down and tucked them under my balls, my dick saluting her as she took it in her hand and rubbed the head against her pussy. My eyes fell shut and struggled to open again as I felt her sink down on top of me with a contented sigh. She moved against me, more animal than woman, desperate to get off on my cock.
I didn’t help her. I just watched as she abused the hard flesh, jamming it and out of her wet cunt as though her life depended on it. Her boobs were huge, and I ached to touch them, but I couldn’t give myself permission until she hauled my hands up to cup them.
“Play with me,” she whispered. “Please, Lucian.”
My cock contracted inside her at those desperate, throaty words, and I stroked her nipples beneath my thumbs, watching her eyes roll back in her head.
“Oh, God,” she whined. “Oh God, I need you so much, Lucian. Don’t ever leave me again.”
Her words were punctuated by convulsions that milked my dick, and when she squeezed my hips between her thighs, I couldn’t hold back. Hot jets of come flooded her, filling her with what felt like a decade’s worth of unspent energy.
She collapsed onto her side, still clinging to my body. Our legs were wrapped together, her fingers curled around my biceps. She didn’t want to let go.
I didn’t either.
“Don’t leave me.” Her forehead came to rest against my beating heart. “Please don’t leave me.”
IWOKE TO THE SOUNDof birds chirping and fear ripped the breath from my lungs when I realized the bed beside me was empty. My eyes moved around the room, desperate for any signs that it was real. When I found Lucian’s shoes near the door, my heart calmed. I heard the shower running in the master bathroom, and I knew it was him. He was alive, and I hadn’t dreamed it.
I didn’t know how long it would take for that fear to go away, but until he gave me the answers I needed, it never would.
I wrapped myself up in the bed sheet and padded to the bathroom. Steam billowed from the open shower, and Lucian’s back turned to face me. I dropped the sheet and entered behind him, and in the light of day, I knew I wasn’t imagining it last night. He was leaner than I’d ever known him to be but still strong. Everything about him seemed different somehow; as though he’d been to hell and back while he was gone. What little hair he had was fuzzy, having been shaved at some point, and I wondered what that meant.
I didn’t know what mood he’d be in this morning or where we even stood. But I couldn’t tiptoe around, hoping he’d come to realize the truth. There wasn’t any time to waste. I stepped behind him and wrapped my arms around his back, enclosing them as I leaned my face against his skin. At first, he froze, and we stayed there like that, silent, for several minutes before he turned me in his arms.
His eyes trailed over my body, lingering on my swollen breasts before moving to my belly. I felt like he wanted to touch me, but he couldn’t give himself permission. I took his hands in mine and rested them against the warm skin that was home to our son.
Lucian’s focus was intense as he held his palms against me. “When did you know?”
“Before I found out you were sick,” I admitted. “I tried to tell you. I wanted to, but the timing wasn’t ideal. Emmanuel’s trial, and then the cancer… but mostly, I was afraid. I didn’t want you to think I’d done this on purpose.”
My eyes moved to the floor while I spoke, shame welling up inside me. Lucian removed one of his hands from my belly and brought it to my chin, lifting my gaze back to him.
“I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell me,” he said softly. “You never should have been made to feel that way.”
“You didn’t know.” I shrugged. “But I wasn’t sure how you would react… after Dawson.”
He closed his eyes, restraining the visible emotion he felt and confining it inside him. “When I saw you and I realized you were pregnant, I was angry. But it was with myself. I missed everything.”
“Not everything,” I insisted. “You’re here now. You’ll be here when he comes into the world. Right?”
“I’ll be here,” he said emphatically. “That much I can promise.”
I should have been happy with that, but it wasn’t enough. “And what about his first birthday? Or his fifth? Will you be here then?”
Lucian met my eyes, and there was so much regret in his. “I don’t know, but I can tell you that I want to be. I can tell you that I will do everything in my power to make that happen.”
“Tell me what’s happening,” I begged. “Lucian, I can’t take this anymore. I need to know. Are you getting treatment?”
His face softened, and he reached out to touch me before he thought better of it. But before he could take it back, I took his hand in mine and threaded our fingers together.