I still can’t accept it. I want to be logical.
River has taken issue with Isabella. He thinks me weak. Perhaps this is his way of trying to make me remember. To continue down the course of revenge that he helped me plan so meticulously.
This is what I tell myself.
“Release me,” I demand.
He looks at me, apologetic, but does not move to help me.
“I think you already know, Javi, that I can’t do that.”
His words cement the doubts in my mind. Years of memories, skewed as I try to make sense of them. I don’t know when it happened. I don’t know how. River gives me time to process. He has always been good about that. He knows me so well.
"How long?" I ask.
He paces around the room. Looks at me twice while he chews his apple. And then paces some more.
"Since the sanitarium."
The sanitarium.
He was only ten then. It doesn't seem possible. But I know better. I know with the agency, anything is possible. But still, I reason that there must be another explanation. River could never betray me. It never even crossed my mind.
Except for once… when I quickly dismissed it.
Now I know better.
“Luke,” I say. “It was you. You were the one who told him I was coming that day. You were the only one who knew.”
He looks away again.
“It wasn’t me,” he mumbles. “But I know who did. And the leak did come from me.”
Fucker.
Lying, filthy, scum.
It is the only thing I can think, and River knows it. He won’t even meet my eyes.
"You were never unstable," I accuse.
He stops. And now he looks offended.
"I'm as unstable as they come," he assures me. "The back story was true. I wouldn't lie about that, Javi."
"No?" I question. "So only everything else then?"
"I know it might seem that way," he says. "But you should know better than anyone that things are not always how they appear."
"So then tell me how they really are," I demand. "Tell me the truth for once. If you can even bring yourself to do that much."
River appears hurt by my words. His eyes flash before he turns away again.
"I need you to do something for me," he says. "And it isn't sanctioned by the agency."
This much, I believe. If the agency were involved in this, it would not be only River and me in this room. He is desperate. And I have never seen River desperate.
"There is a girl," he begins.