"I love you, Javi. I love you so much. You've fucked me up so bad. You've messed with my head, and I don't know... there are so many things I don't know. I don't know how to fix them. Or unbreak them. But this is the one thing I know. I love you."
He does not lash out this time. He holds me. He kisses me.
Whispered apologies flow from his lips over and over. He tells me everything is going to be alright. He says he will protect me and never let me go.
For once, my mind and my heart are at peace. There is light in the darkness.
And I believe him.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Javi triesto rouse me from my sleep, and I dig in deeper. My dreams are too sweet, and his touch is so warm against me.
I don't want to move. I don't want to go anywhere other than this space between my dream and reality. But he is insistent.
"My Bella, I need you to wake up. Wake up and be a good girl for me, yes?"
My eyes are cemented together, and the thing that he asks of me is easier said than done. The pills he gave me knocked me out. I don't know how long it's been.
Days, months, weeks.
I’m groggy and confused when I realize that I’m already dressed. Not just dressed. But dressed for outside, with a coat and shoes and socks. My hair is braided too.
I blink up at him, and he is still blurry until my eyes adjust to the light.
"It is time to go," he tells me. "There is something we must do together."
I shake my head and tell him no. Whatever it is, I don't want to go.
"You will want to see this, my Bella.”
Still, I try to pull the blankets back over me. Javi sighs.
"It is about your father."
And now he has my attention.
"What about him?"
My voice is froggy. I sound weird. Terrified. Terrified that he will have bad news for me. But Javi's only answer is to help me from the bed.
"Come," he insists.
I follow him. It isn't easy. I'm still in pain. But he helps me every step of the way, allowing me to lean on him for support.
He unlocks the front door, and my legs grow weak before locking into place. I don't want to leave anymore. I only want to stay.
The caged bird is me.
And I am afraid. More afraid than I have ever been in my whole life to step foot out that door. But I know that I must. Whatever news there is of my father, I must go. I must find out.
Knowing and doing are two different things. So even when Javi steps outside, I hesitate on the threshold. He looks back at me, extending his hand. A gesture that means so much more than just this moment.
It's there in his eyes. The change I had been hoping for all along. His barriers down. My monster is asking me to walk beside him. To trust him to guide me. To protect me and care for me.
With this knowledge, I step beside him. He holds my hand and nods. He feels it too. We are in this together. The walls have come down, and the only barriers we have now are those of the outside world.
He leads me to a motorcycle. His only mode of transportation. After providing me with a helmet, he helps me onto the back and secures my arms around his waist.