His lips soft and full, and his nose strong. His skin is softer than I expected. Naturally olive in complexion. His hair and his beard are dark. But even those are soft.
I drink in his features while I can. Pausing my work every so often just to stare at him. To try to make sense of this beast of a man before me. But he is a puzzle I still haven't figured out.
And there isn't time now.
I feel him beginning to stir. When I go to work on the gravel, drawing it from his skin, he wakes completely. There isn't time to prepare myself for his reaction. It is instinctive.
A wounded predator, cornered.
He launches his hand upright and seizes me by the throat. His breathing is harsh. Labored. And his eyes are vulnerable. So vulnerable. The wildest eyes I have ever seen.
"Javi."
My hand covers his, but I don't struggle with him. I don't resist. He needs reassurance right now. And that's what I intend to give him.
"Javi, it's okay. I'm trying to help. You are injured. I'm just trying to help."
His brow furrows when he glances down at his body. His almost naked body. Shame washes over his features, and his grip on me loosens if only a little.
"Leave me," he roars.
He is trying to intimidate me. But he can't. Not this time.
"No."
His eyes meet mine. Fiery. Confused.
Frightened.
"I'm going to tend to your wounds, Javi. Whether you like it or not. So please don't fight me."
His hand trembles around my neck, and then slowly his fingers fall away. He is quiet. Still. And now I am the one shaking as I go back to work, pulling the gravel from his wounds.
He hisses when I hit a tender spot, and I apologize. I am gentle with him. As gentle as I can be. But I know it still hurts. He doesn't like me seeing him this way. He is ashamed. Embarrassed. But he has no reason to be.
He did not cause these scars on his body.
I want to tell him that he shouldn't care what anyone thinks. But it is easier to say than to know how he must feel, living with such scars.
"Why are you doing this?" he asks. "Why are you helping me?"
The words are on the tip of my tongue. The words I should say, to protect myself. I should remain stubborn and indignant. Rebellious to my situation.
I could tell him that River threatened to kill me. That I had no choice. But those aren't the words that leave my lips.
"I can't just leave you here like this, Javi. Someone needs to take care of you too."
"I don't need anyone to take care of me," he growls.
And now he is the one who is stubborn and indignant.
I smile up at him. But it is not mocking. It is just that I never thought I could relate to him. But at this moment, I can.
"Everybody needs some help sometimes, Javi. Even men like you."
“You mean monsters like me.”
I shake my head.