“Yes,” he says softly. “I hope so.”
I smile and take a sip of my tea.
And then my water breaks.
Javi is still at war in his own mind, and I have to call his name to get his attention.
“Yes, my love?”
“I guess there’s no time like the present to find out.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s time,” I tell him.
Chapter Fifty
The whole processis overwhelming from the start.
The trip to the hospital takes an eternity, and I worry I will not get her there on time. The registration process overwhelms me. Paperwork this, and insurance that.
These are things not to worry about I try to tell them. We can take care of it later. But first, we must have our baby. They tell me this is not the way this works, and I get frustrated.
Bella reaches for my hand and smiles.
I know I must be patient. I must do this right, for her. I fill out the paperwork as they ask. Nurses come and go from the room. A doctor comes and goes.
I think that the baby will come soon, but they tell me no, this is not how it works. So we wait. And I watch Bella. This is not the kind of pain I like to see her in.
Eventually, they say she is getting close. They give her an epidural, and I almost get sick. I do not like hospitals. I do not like the smell. The needles. The tools.
I remember my mother, and then I try to erase those thoughts from my memory. Not today. Not ever again.
Forward. Always forward with my Bella.
The doctor comes in and tells her it’s time to push. She does. They ask me if I want to see the baby’s head, and Bella tells me no. That I better not dare to look down there right now. So I don’t.
I stay up by her side and hold her hand and kiss her forehead and tell her how amazing I think she is. How lucky I am to have her. How I will never let her go. She cries and tries to smile. She cannot say the words back. But I don’t need them. Not anymore. I know that when she does say them, she means them.
I know that I love her. Nothing will ever come between us again. I tell her so. And she agrees.
“Yes, Javi. Never.”
The baby is born, and the doctor laughs as he cleans him up.
“Would you like to meet your daughter?”
“Daughter?” we both ask.
“Yes, it appears that your son is not a son after all. What we have here is a little girl.”
Bella smiles and I almost pass out.
A girl.
A girl is not better, is it?
A girl is worse?