mouth and head are doing the thing I always do best. Pushing him away. Lying. Keeping my armor
safely in place.
“I don’t know,” I answer. “I’m only taking these classes because I thought it would be easy.”
The disappointment on his face burns worse than all of the other disappointment I’ve ever seen.
“I see.”
The space between us is fraught with tension, and his eyes are doing that thing they do. Moving
over my face. But today, they venture a little further too. Down my body. Over my faded tee and
ripped jeans. And I don’t think my heart can take it. I’m certain he can hear it. Feel it beating for him.
“I have to go,” I tell him.
His eyes snap back up to mine, and there is confusion on his face.
“Of course,” he mumbles. “You should go.”
And yet I don’t. At least not for another full minute, in which we both continue to stare at each
other. He is the one who finally breaks the spell. Tearing his eyes from me as he takes a seat at his
desk. Turning his attention back to his work.
And away from me.
Chapter Five
Keller
Forty-nine days.
Until what, I can’t say.
Only that I’m eager for this semester to be over. I try to forget the fact that I’ll be doing it all over
again next year. And every year after that for the foreseeable future.
Because I can’t see any other alternative. And because this is what I deserve.
I still see their faces. In my mind, every day.
The faces of the people who came to see Rellek. The ones who died in that theater because of me. I
draw them in my mind, every day, so I don’t forget.
And I always wonder if I’d responded to that man, if I’d paid more attention, if the results would
be different.
Now, I never make the same mistake. I always pay attention to my surroundings. To those around
me.
Especially her.