‘Cedric,’ she said sotto voce. ‘Why have you sought me out? You could have sent me a message. I would have come to the ship.’
‘I will not be there,’ he said with as much strength in his voice as he could manage. ‘I have been gone nearly two years. I must find out how my family fares. And if…’ He swallowed unable to finish the thought. He needed to know if there was any money left in his estate or if his father had impoverished them all. If his sisters were dead of starvation while his mother survived onbitterness and her sister’s charity. And had his young nephew survived? The first years of life were the most precarious.
‘Your parents live much as they had before you left.’
He wasn’t sure if that was for the good or ill. He did not wish for pain to befall them, but they were both miserable people who poisoned everyone around them.
‘My sisters?’ he asked.
‘All well. We visited them for Simon’s first birthday. And your brother-in-law has made a name for himself repairing canals. Your friends sing his praises.’
That was a relief. He remembered that Declan had promised to watch over them, but to hear the truth of it eased his mind.
‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘I will rest easier now.’
She stiffened at his wording. Did she know he believed he was going to die soon? He had seen illness take a quarter of their crew. So far he’d survived, but that was out of sheer stubborn willpower. He’d never felt worse in his entire life.
‘And what of you, my lord?’ she asked.
‘I fare exactly as you see.’ He was sick, impoverished and holding on to his pride by a thread of determination. And wasn’t that a shock? He didn’t think he had any pride left.
Meanwhile, she shifted uncomfortably, twisting to face him more directly. ‘My lord,’ she began, but then hesitated. ‘Cedric,’ she tried again, but he cut her off rather than hear pity in her voice.
‘You mean to ask about our cargo. I shall tell you. Good profit for you and for the Prince—’
‘That is excellent, but—’
‘I haven’t the skill with the account books that you do…’ He had to pause to take a breath. ‘But even my review tells me you did very well.’ By contrast, his own corner of the hold, the place where she allowed him to choose everything, had done less well. He’d made sure every inch of profit went to his investors,the Prince being the most important. They would have a solid return.
He, on the other hand, had spent his personal profits along the way. Extra expenses he hadn’t counted on. And other special purchases he didn’t regret. But the end result was not the windfall he’d hoped for.
‘You win,’ he said. ‘My choices did not ever do as well as yours.’
‘What game did I win?’ she returned, her tone losing some of its gentleness. ‘I asked after you, my lord.’
He looked at her, and his head bobbled with dizziness. He heard the censure in her tone and added it to his list of sins. He was handling this badly, but damnation, what did she want? After two years, he hadn’t nearly enough to prove his worth to her father. Two years! And now he just wanted to lie down and die.
‘Cedric,’ she whispered urgently. ‘You are not well.’
He flashed her a wan smile. ‘Oh, how you flatter me,’ he drawled.
He watched frustration knot her features before smoothing back down. He’d always admired that in her. She was always so calm, but this close to her, he could see every shift of her features. Even when it indicated annoyance.
At least she wasn’t indifferent to him. It would have destroyed him if she’d forgotten him completely.
‘You are such an ass,’ she muttered under her breath.
He would start braying if he could trust his voice.
‘Let me be clear,’ she all but hissed into his ear. ‘I do not care about the cargo. I never measured your worth by your coin.’
She was right. It was he who measured and counted every penny and thought himself a failure if another had more than he did. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said.
At least he thought he did. Perhaps it was more of a mumble as she ducked her head to look him in the eye. He hadn’t even realised his head had dipped until he faced the floor.
‘You’re sweating with fever.’
Was he?