‘What are you doing there?’ he asked, a teasing note in his voice. ‘Have you been counting all your money?’
‘I’m told that it is not polite to talk about money.’
‘Oh, it’s not,’ he said. He pulled out a chair and settled close enough to see what she was doing, but not near enough to touch her. ‘But between us, it is the most magical discussion of all.’
She smiled, knowing that this was her moment. ‘Well, as to that…’ she said, drawing out the excitement. She opened up the account book to the appropriate page, her gesture expansive. ‘Look at that,’ she said, pointing. ‘That is how much father is putting in my dowry. I have never had so much in my life! And I know I can make more. It is only a matter of the right cargo, you see. And finding the right merchants to sell to here and along the way.’
He craned his neck to see while she waited for the shock and pleasure to come across his face.
It didn’t. If anything, his expression tightened down.
‘Most impressive,’ he said.
She stared at him. Those were the words she wanted to hear, but she could tell he was disappointed.
‘Isn’t that a large amount? In English money, I mean.’
‘It’s an extraordinary amount,’ he agreed, his tone flat.
‘But not enough for you.’
His expression turned rueful. ‘This boat is worth nearly ten thousand pounds. And you know what the sale of this cargo is worth.’
She did. It was a fraction of the boat, but several times what she had.
‘You need so much?’
‘Not me. I can survive on nothing. Have for much of my life.’ He exhaled slowly as if trying to control his emotions. ‘I havebeen home,’ he said. ‘I have seen the state of things there. And I have been to see my father. I—’ His voice choked off. ‘This is not polite talk, even between us.’
‘No,’ she said, her spine straightening. ‘But I am tired of being treated as a child. I will hear it all. Now.’
‘I have never thought you a child,’ he said. ‘And I have never lied to you. I told you we could not marry.’ He looked away, his expression infinitely sad. ‘I went home. I need to marry now.’
Her heart lodged painfully in her throat, but she pushed out the words anyway. ‘And this is not enough? What I have in my dowry—’
‘No, Lucy.’ Then he swallowed. ‘No, Miss Richards. I’m afraid we do not… We cannot…’ He sighed. ‘No.’
The finality in his voice hit her hard. There was no hope there, and a darkness had entered his eyes. She reached out a hand to comfort him, but he pulled back from her.
‘Never fear,’ he said, and she could tell that he was making an effort to be lighthearted. ‘You will meet all sorts of people now. And once you are out, every gentleman in London will clamor after you. But don’t be too quick to choose. I shall be loath to lose you.’
He winked at her as he spoke, a painful echo of when he had first tried to flirt with her. But now there was so much between them that the shallowness of the expression irritated her.
‘You cannot lose what you do not have.’ What he would not marry.
Pain flashed across his expression, but he quickly suppressed it. Then he spoke quietly, in an undertone that was just for her. ‘I had hoped to have your help,’ he said. ‘As my sister-in-law. I have looked at the estate books. Thanks to you, I understood much of it, but I am sure you can point out more. You will see more.’
‘As your sister-in-law?’ she squeaked. ‘You still mean to marry Grace.’
He nodded. ‘I will treat her and you honourably,’ he said. ‘You will both have a good life with me. I swear it. For as long as you choose to remain by her side.’
As an unwed sister. As baggage attached to Grace’s side. As someone who laboured over his wealth while her sister grew fat with his children. Did he not see how demeaning that would be to her? To toil while hidden away? She had hoped for better outside of China. Indeed, he had been the one who gave her that dream because he saw her as a whole person.
‘My father has three other ships,’ she said, her voice and tone low. ‘He has already said I can look at their accounts, too.’
‘Of course, of course,’ Cedric said, nodding. ‘And I would never take you away from your father. But if you would like it, it would be an enormous help to me. I would be so grateful—’
‘If I helped with your affairs. To bring you some coin.’