“They are not going, and I am not sad about that.”
Her expression shifted to compassion. “Are they ill-formed? I am sorry.”
She actually looked sad for him, and he had to stifle his laugh. “They are both considered beautiful women, but unlike your family, we do not have the money to outfit them.”
“Oh,” she said, her gaze going to the neatly folded pile of his clothing. He had set it there before he began his exercises. Even from here, she could likely tell that the fabric was expensive. Also, the embroidery was exquisite because it had been done by his own mother’s hand.
“That is not my secret,” he said. “My secret is that I am pleased we cannot afford to send them. Life in the Forbidden City is terrible. I would not wish that on anyone.”
She gaped at him, her eyes widening in shock. And well she should. What he had just said could be considered treason. But the way she hunched her shoulders told him that she had already suspected as much.
“Have you ever been in the Forbidden City?” she asked.
“No, but my uncle is a eunuch there. He is the one who pushed my family to train me for the imperial exam. He paid most of Master Gao’s fee. I have learned much from him about what it is like there.”
She turned, her eyes wide and her expression open. “What did he say? You must tell me. I must be prepared for what is ahead.”
That was very true. “What do you know?”
She shook her head. “Nothing. Just that—”
“It is a great honor.” He spoke the words for her because those were the words every proper girl said. And she obviously understood because her chin dipped in depressed agreement.
“It is a great honor,” he continued, “if you are selected to become the empress. All the other candidates leave disgraced and their families are supposed to decry them as tainted.”
“Not all!” she cried. “Some will become favored concubines.”
“Only four will be favored. The rest will live in palaces alone, never seeing the emperor, never having the chance to bear him a child.”
She looked at him, her eyes wide with hope and fear. “I’m sure that’s not true,” she said, though her tone told him she wondered.
“I know it is true,” he countered. “Those selected will have a difficult life. Those disgraced will be lucky to marry at all. Better to never try.”
“No!” she said firmly. “I am sure the unlucky girls will be accepted back into their families. It is no disgrace to be refused by the emperor. He can only select a few out of the whole country.”
“Will your family take you back?” he asked, hoping her answer was yes.
She bit her lip. “They will not entertain the possibility, but I have spoken in secret to my aunt. She said I can live with them as Li Fei’s adopted sister.”
A good fate. Better than many. “Will you be able to marry?” Would she be able to escape the confines of the family compound to meet anyone?
Her smile was forced. “I hope so.”
“I do, as well.”
She was silent for a long while, then she spoke with renewed strength. “Do you not have faith in your sisters to attract the emperor’s gaze? Are they not virtuous enough?”
He didn’t want to answer this. It wasn’t his place to enlighten her. Worse, if her family was adamant, there was nothing she could do to change her future. And yet, he could not stop himself.
“My sisters are wonderful women, virtuous and kind. And so I know they would be failures in the Forbidden City.”
She jerked, obviously shocked by his statement. “But why?”
“Because virtue is not what attracts a man. And kindness will not help you in court.”
She winced as she stared at her hands, but she said nothing.
“You cannot change this, can you?” he asked gently. “Your father insists?”