“She didn’t believe it, did she?”
“Not a word, but the town was roused by it. They didn’t like me asking questions and not attending church.”
Bessie shook her head. “You wouldn’t have been accepted in the church anyway.”
“I didn’t know I could go. No one invited me. I knew nothing of it.” What did she know of Christian customs? Mrs. Dove-Lyon did not attend, and so Li-Na had learned nothing of it except that the upstairs girls, as they were called, were not welcome. Li-Na had assumed she, too, was unwanted.
Bessie blew on her tea. “I suppose sending you back here was the safest thing for you. Though I am disappointed in Lord Daniel. I thought he could bring the light into your eyes.”
He had brought it out. She hadn’t even realized how buried she’d been in London. Not by anyone else, but by herself. He’d brought her into a lonely place and allowed her to feel safe enough to explore. He let her lead, and when she finally looked up and looked around, all she saw was him. His kindness to her, his support of the countess and his nephews, his attention to the villagers. Everywhere she looked, he was there. What could she do but yearn to know him better? How could she fill her time except to give him what he wanted? And what she wanted, too, which was to touch him, to kiss him, and to love him.
Her breath caught in her chest at that thought. Had she done the unthinkable? Had she fallen in love again? The last time had destroyed her life. She’d been shackled in a ship sent to England. And though the situation was entirely different, she couldn’t stop shaking for fear she’d done it again. Somehow, some way, her life would be destroyed again.
“Li-Na? Li-Na!”
Suddenly, Bessie was squeezing her shoulders as she called out to the man outside her parlor door.
“Philostrate! Bring me brandy!”
Then the lady was rocking her as gently as any mother.
“There, there now. It’s not so bad. You’re here now. You’re safe.”
Was she? Of course, she was! Or so her mind said. But she couldn’t stop shaking as she remembered the feel of being dragged out of the home she’d lived in since she was seven. She felt the iron as her legs were shackled. Her clothing had torn and the ropes about her wrists were slick with blood. She relived every moment on the ship when she’d been helpless. When they’d hurt her. When her whole life had changed.
She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t scream. She couldn’t stop any of it.
“Drink this. Come on, just a sip. That’s right.”
Fire burned down her throat. Brandy. She choked and spit, but it burned away the memory of brackish water and rats fighting her for food. She curled into herself, wrapping her arms around the drink that Bessie held before her. And though she couldn’t swallow, she smelled the drink. The scent was powerful enough to blunt the memories. And in time, she remembered how to breathe again.
And she vowed—as she always did—that that would never happen to her again.
But what had she meant by that? That she’d never be shackled in the bowels of a ship? Or that she’d never fall in love again?
She very much feared her vow had been about love and nothing about being dragged from her home. She buried her head in her hands and felt the shudders work their way through her body.
“There you go,” Bessie said. “Let it out.”
She did, and this time she released it without benefit of ink and brush. She let her body shake as she tried to breathe. She cried, too. Pain and grief flowing like clear ink from her eyes while Bessie wiped them away.
It took a long while to work its way out. A long, agonizing time, but it happened. And in the end, she was able to drink the rest of the brandy without choking.
“I’m better now,” she said without looking up. How long had she been here crying on Bessie’s parlor floor?
“Good. Nothing cures like a good cry.” There was resolve in her tone that braced Li-Na. It was how Mrs. Dove-Lyon always treated the women in her employ. Strength tempered with kindness. “Now tell me what happened to bring that on.”
Li-Na opened her mouth to answer, but the words wouldn’t come. At least not the ones she planned to say.
“I fell in love,” she said, and then flinched at her own words. How could she be so foolish? But it was the truth. Daniel had brought her out of hiding just as Bessie had wanted. And now she didn’t know how she could go back to the dark again. Not without him.
“You’re in love with Lord Daniel?”
“Yes.”
“Well, then. It’s a good thing he’s come to fetch you.” There was satisfaction in her tone.
Li-Na’s head snapped up in shock. Bessie pointed to the door of the parlor and Li-Na immediately spun around.