“No,” she said. “No, you will not.”
Her words landed like stones dropped between. He had been leaning in for a kiss, but at her words, he froze. And she took that second to slip away from him.
“I won’t do it, Aaron. I’ve given up thetonand everything that goes with them.”
“What?”
“I won’t be hidden away with a mother-in-law who hates me.”
He snorted. “We’ll set her up in the dower property. She doesn’t have to live with you.”
“I’m going to live in London!” she snapped. “I’m going to run my registry office!”
He pulled up to his full height, his expression turning fierce. “I will marry you!” he said, as if that were the answer to everything.
“You will not!” she shot back. “I will not.”
“But what about…” His gaze hopped back to the bed and he gestured at it with distinct motions. “We did…everything! You might right now be carrying my child!”
“Not for long,” she said. Then she closed her eyes against the ripping pain that tore through her heart at those words. He, too, looked equally horrified, and she almost relented. She almost changed her mind and threw herself back into his arms. He was everything she wanted, and yet she’d refused him.
No, she realized with a horrified shock. He was everything shehad wanted. And now she wanted something else.
“I will not hide away,” she said. “I have found a purpose to my life, work that I enjoy, and respect for myself outside of the aristocracy.”
He gaped at her. “I respect you.”
“No,” she said softly. “You love me. That is not the same thing as respect. And I suddenly find that I want both from my husband.”
He stared at her, his mouth working but without sound. He clearly didn’t understand her, and part of her was equally confused. She had spent the last year longing for this moment, and now that it was here, she discovered that she wanted something entirely different.
“I am sorry, Aaron. I should have realized earlier that I’ve changed.”
Then she turned around and walked away.
“Lilah!” he cried.
She stopped long enough to grab her boots, then she bolted from the room.
Chapter Twenty-Five
An hour laterLilah knocked at the door of her mother’s theater. It was late enough for the performers to be awake, but not so late that there would be no time to talk to Margarite.
Her old friend greeted her with warmth. The situation was explained and just as quickly handled. As was the lecture on ways to prevent pregnancy. It took a half hour at most. And when Margarite was done, she patted Lilah’s hands.
“Was it good?” she asked.
“It was wonderful,” Lilah answered, though her heart broke on the words. Her voice too because Margarite’s expression softened.
“You love him?”
“Yes.”
“And he’s a nob.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yes.” It cut her to say it, and tears leaked from her eyes, but she didn’t sob. She was done with that. But she couldn’t stop her mind from spinning into useless questions. Why couldn’t she have fallen in love with a man who could claim her? Legally, socially, and with no repercussions to his career? Meanwhile, Margarite wrapped her in a full hug as if they were nine-year-old girls again.
“So you’ve returned to us,” she said.