You are an idiot.
Yes, he was because she was right. He felt more than a physical hunger for her. He had felt protective of her before and after the attack. He felt admiration for her quick wits, not just in conversation but in throwing rocks at their attackers while screaming for the watch. She was not a woman who panicked or became overwrought. He, on the other hand, was a man who controlled his lusts and never trespassed upon a woman’s heart. Because a spurned woman could make your life miserable.
Why hadn’t he controlled his desire for Miss Rees? Why hadn’t he left her alone rather than allow tender feelings to blossom? Feelings that were deceptive. Feelings that promised more than any soul could deliver. Which is why he had lied about them.
His parents had been a love match, and it had destroyed them both. His father—not yet an earl—had fallen in love with a clergyman’s daughter. She, in turn, thought him the most refined gentleman to ever come calling. They were “dazzled by love” according to his father. Mother said he’d made her believe in true happiness.
The cost of the mésalliance had not been clear at first, but soon his mother’s less refined manners began to embarrass his father. He hid her in the country and blamed her coarse manners every time he was overlooked in his political career. She became shrewish in her demands for London amusements only to find herself associating with milkmaids and clergyman daughters because they were her only company. By the time Clara was five, the two were so steeped in resentment they poisoned the very air.
Aaron had been raised in a household filled with love gone sour. If it were not for the steadying influence of their Nanny, God only knew what kind of man he might have become. Thankfully, he learned the lesson well that love was a trap. Happiness came from a steady temperament that never succumbed to the “dazzle of love.”
He’d nearly misstepped with Lilah a year ago. After their kiss at Vauxhall, he’d been so mesmerized he believed he had to marry the woman. A year in the country with his bitter parents had brought clarity back to his emotions.
He felt lust for Miss Rees, nothing more.
You are an idiot.
Guilty. Because only an idiot would fall into the same trap that had destroyed his parents.
Strangely, he was grateful to Miss Rees for bringing his attention to his changing feelings. He was beginning to fall for her. But now that she had declared a disgust of him, he could return to his life and think of her no more.
The first step, of course, was to stop standing like a lovelorn waif in front of her bedroom window. He took a deep breath and forced himself to move. He would go home and think of her no more.
Chapter Eleven
Aweek later,Lilah accepted the fact that Lord Kittrel would not be banished from her dreams. During the day, however, she had other things to occupy her thoughts. Like Mr. Reuben Bates who was right now taking a turn through her parlor. Never had Lilah met a person with more energy. It should have been exhausting to be in the same room with him, but the constant twinkle in his eye invited her to play even as he talked about outrageous things. They were having tea in her private parlor and though he’d sat down when invited, even drank the tea when offered, he was currently up and pacing about the room.
She found him delightful.
“I don’t mind telling you that I’ve been looking for a solution to the horrendously exploitive registry practice,” he said. “People come in from the country or fall on hard times. They think they’re getting help when it’s just another way to fleece someone already desperate. But now I think you’re the one to fix that.” He grinned as he dropped back down into his seat. “And I am just the man to help you.”
“Mr. Bates, my registry idea is just beginning. I don’t even have a location selected—”
He held up his hands. “But that’s where I can help. Lucas told me all about your ideas.”
Lucas was her brother-in-law. He’d married her half-sister Diana after a courtship fraught with scandal, murder, and love lost. It was a story that still touched Lilah’s heart. “I was merely bouncing ideas off Diana when Lucas overheard. I have no set plans. Only possibilities.”
“I know,” Mr. Bates said as he clapped his hands together. “I have learned a great deal about you in the last couple days, and I believe you are just the woman to run a registry. We need integrity in London, you know. Honest people doing honorable service.”
He sounded like he was recruiting her into a nunnery, but that was the opposite of her plans. “I mean it to be a business for profit,” she said. “I will have to support myself.”
“Yes, yes, of course,” he said as he waved his fingers at her. “The thing is, you have an ability with organization, the knowledge to teach your clients how to do their jobs correctly, and…” His eyes seemed to glitter with excitement. “Your family situation sets you in the exact position to place souls in good households for honest labor.”
“I am a bastard, Mr. Bates. I don’t think that recommends me in any way whatsoever.”
“But that’s where you’re wrong. You’ve been to several society parties. Thetonknows you.”
“As abastard.”
“Exactly!” He pointed straight at her. “They don’t want you marrying their sons, but they will take your recommendation on what housekeeper to hire or where to find a good footman. You’re above a servant, you see, but below them.”
That was something she knew all too well.
“Besides, you will have the backing of your family, yes? Lucas was singing your praises, as did Sayres.”
“You’ve talked with my family?”
He shrugged. “With your brothers-in-law. They have assured me that their wives fully support you.”