“Is that you?” he asked as he eased her back. “I thought it was me.”
Was he trembling? The thought pleased her. She liked that he was as affected as she was.
“It’s only natural,” he said gruffly. “We were attacked and survived. Such a thing stirs the…um…primal needs in a person.”
Very logical and scientific. She nodded because she couldn’t manage to speak. She felt weak even as her blood still pumped hot and strong in her body. They both took time to awkwardly adjust their clothes, and then he extended his arm to her. Such a gentleman! She touched her fingers to his arm as a lady would, and they resumed their walk back to her home.
But her thoughts would not steady and her blood was still pulsing. She wanted to pretend everything was normal, but it wasn’t. She wasn’t.
“My lord…” she began.
“Yes?”
“Is…” She swallowed. “Is that an option for me?”
“What?”
“Mistress,” she said, her voice soft. And when he didn’t respond at first, she spoke more forcefully. “Your mistress.”
He still didn’t speak. Instead, he pressed his far hand over hers and squeezed her fingers where they were placed on his arm. Finally he spoke, his voice hard. “It is a bad life and the absolute wrong life for you,” he said.
“How so?” She knew so little of the life of a demirep. She knew he would house her. He would have her.
“Eventually I will marry,” he said softly. “Indeed, the pressure for me to set up my nursery grows every day.”
She swallowed. He was an unmarried earl with a significant fortune. That made him the catch of the Season.
“I will not betray my wife with a mistress,” he said. “I find the very idea distasteful. When that happens, what would you do for protection?”
She would be a demirep in search of a new sponsor. That was not an enviable position for any woman. “I find your position very honorable,” she finally said. “To release a mistress when you marry.” So many men would not.
Meanwhile, her body chilled by the second. She was not even acceptable as a mistress.
“Miss Rees,” he said.
“Please, call me Lilah. At least while you dash all my hopes.”
He turned to her, his expression tight with distress. “You cannot set all your hopes upon me. I have never lied to you, never suggested anything but—”
“I know, I know!” she interrupted. “You will not marry me. I cannot be your mistress—”
“That is not because of any failing in you!” he huffed. Then he touched her face, and she felt her soul still at the exquisite care he took even as he pulled her around to look him in the eye. “You tempt me,” he said, his voice low. “But I would betray us both were I to indulge our desires.”
She knew it was true. She knew he was being honorable. And yet she couldn’t help the wave of frustration that rolled through her. She had never wanted a man more, never felt her heart pound for any man, or her body physically pulled in any man’s direction. Just him. And by all accounts he was pulled toward her as well.
Good marriages had been built on much less.
“I would be a good wife to you,” she said. “I am a good woman.”
“I would never suggest otherwise.” He pulled both her hands to his mouth and pressed a kiss onto her knuckles. “But for all that I still desire you, my opinion has not changed.”
She frowned. “Opinion? What—”
“I could ignore everything, risk everything if I were in love.” He lowered her hands. “But this is lust, Miss Rees, and a surge of feeling after a scary attack. Nothing more.”
It felt like a great deal more to her. But obviously not to him.
“Very well, my lord, you have convinced me,” she said, her voice excruciatingly dry.