He looked into her eyes and saw how deeply she believed in her utter lack. She couldn’t see her own beauty or that he could desire to have her as his own. Her own imagination couldn’t make that bridge, but he could. For them both. And so he vowed in that moment to please her in every way, to show her exactly how wonderful she was. So that on that future date, she would have no doubt in her mind. She would know that he wanted her and only her.
“So will you do it?” she whispered. “Will you make love with me?”
“Will you marry me?”
“If you ask, then I will say yes.”
“Then, yes,” he said. Because in his mind, they were already wed. He had asked, and she had accepted. They were even in a church before an altar. To his way of thinking, it was as good as a ceremony. Better because the wedding night could begin right away.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Two weeks ago,Gwen hadn’t realized what a gift it was to be on the shelf. Her mother had always spoken as if it was a pitiful state to be avoided at all costs. And yet, Gwen had discovered such freedom in being too old to care about acting like a girl straight out of the schoolroom. She was an adult woman who wanted to experience life. And finally she’d found a man who allowed her to do just that. He never laughed at her oddities, never chastised her for acting strange, and best of all, he let her explore when she wished to explore.
Which was now.
He was kissing her, deep and thorough. But she had experienced this before. She wanted something different. She wanted more. While he pleasured her mouth, she unbuttoned her gown. She’d chosen it specifically for this possibility, and so she managed it quickly. And then she began tugging at his shirtsleeves, since he’d already discarded his coat. Of course she was clumsy, and eventually he stopped what he was doing to look at her.
“You’re very impatient,” he drawled.
She blew out a breath. “You don’t understand.”
He rocked back from her. “Explain it to me then.”
Fine. She would tell him it all. “I have studied anatomy. I have studied this act. I have looked at textbooks and read things that Mama would have locked me in the root cellar for even touching.”
He nodded, clearly not understanding where she was going. “Yes?”
“I’ve read and studied, but I haven’t actuallyseen.”
“A man?”
“Yes!” She propped herself up on her elbow. “You saw me in the moonlight.”
His smile widened. “I did. I have dreamed of it every night since.”
“Well, so have I, but of seeing you. Men get to go to brothels, they discuss these things with barmaids and their older brothers. Women aren’t told anything! All I know is what Diana has shared and it was not very helpful. I don’t think she enjoyed it very much.” At his concerned look, she quickly explained. “Not her current husband. He must be very good at it because whenever I ask, she blushes very red and giggles. And I can’t get one word out of her beyond that she is blissfully happy.”
“Then I am happy for her.”
She rolled her eyes. “Well, that’s all well and good, but I was talking about me. Seeing you. Naked.” There. She’d said it though she felt her cheeks heat with embarrassment.
But far from laughing at her, he nodded solemnly to her. He began unbuttoning his shirtsleeves while she watched with increasing excitement. Finally, she’d been able to see and touch a man. And not just any man, but him, the most handsome specimen of manhood she knew.
Finally, he divested himself of his shirt. His torso was bared to her. And even better, he was in the sunlight. She could see every ripple and curve of his chest, tease her fingers through his wiry chest hair, and watch in delight as his male nipple tightened when she scraped at it with her nail. She heard his breath catch, watched his nostrils flare, but he didn’t move while she explored. And it was wonderful!
But it wasn’t exactly what she’d been hoping for. “Will you remove the rest?”
He nodded slowly, but he didn’t move. “You must know that if we do this, there will be no going back. I will have you as mine.”
“Well, of course you will have me. That’s the whole point.” And to prove it, she pulled a French letter out of her pocket. She had folded the envelope to hide it in the pocket of her gown, but she believed that would make no difference. “I brought this for you to use.”
He sat up with a slight jerk as he took the envelope from her hand. “Where did you get this?”
She flushed a bright red. “I got it from Amber, my brother’s wife. Diana wasn’t helpful at all, but Amber was willing to show me preventatives.”
“I see,” he said slowly, as he opened the envelope and inspected the condom. “Have you handled this much?”
“No, no! Amber was very clear about that. I only touched it once and then very delicately.”