“Elliott!” she said as she stepped back a bit from the wet splash of his clothes. “You’re soaked through.”
“I am. It’s beastly out there, but I was tired of waiting. Though I fear my horse will never forgive me.”
What was she to say to that? He was standing there looking large and half-drowned while talking about his horse. She wanted to touch him. She wanted to wrap him in dry things before he fell ill. But it had been six long days without word from him. What was she supposed to think?
“I meant to send a message, but everything went crazy. Gwen is in trouble.”
“Oh no!”
“It’s all right for now, but I couldn’t get away to see you. Not when she was in such a state.”
“And your resolution passed.”
He frowned as if he were just remembering it. “Oh, yes. It did.” He rubbed the water off his face with a self-conscious laugh. “That was so important to me, but I barely remember it now.”
Really?She had no idea what to say about that. “But your sister is well now?”
“Yes. She brought it on herself. That’s Gwen through and through. And the whole time, I wanted to talk with you about it. I wanted to know what you thought and if you knew what could be done to help. If…any of a thousand things.”
“I was right here.” She couldn’t keep the note of accusation out of her voice. She’d been waiting for him.
“I know. I know. But…” He took her hands in his icy ones. “I needed to think. I needed to…” He shrugged. “I went to another of those horrible Almack’s evenings.”
So he had been looking for a wife. She had guessed as much. Indeed, she knew she would always come in second to the woman he eventually married. But it hurt to know she had been waiting on him, that she had defended him to all those people who said he had betrayed her, and all the while, he had been looking for his wife.
Tears sprang to her eyes, and she tried to move away. She didn’t want him to see her cry. Not when she chose this. Not when she’d known all along and yet, still the ache in her chest was too much. The pain of holding back her tears burned like fire in her throat.
“I couldn’t do it, Amber. I hated looking at them. They are nothing like you, and I couldn’t stand the idea of marrying a single one.”
It took a moment for his words to penetrate her fight to hold in her tears. But when she finally repeated his words in her head, she blinked and frowned at him. “But you will have to marry one of them eventually.” The words came out in an anguished whisper, but he heard her nonetheless.
“That’s what my mother said, but it’s not true. It’s not.” He tugged her closer to him, and she took a stumbling step forward. “If I want to lead the government as Prime Minister, then yes, I would have to marry one of them.”
“But you do want that.”
He shook his head. “I did want that. But Amber, I want you more.”
Her breath choked off. He wanted her. He loved her. The tears spilled from her eyes, and she pushed forward despite his wet state. He stopped her, holding her back until she looked at him in surprise. “Elliott?”
“You don’t understand. I don’t want those other ladies as a wife. I want you.”
“Yes, you said that.”
“I hate the idea of not being able to see you whenever I want, of not having you by my side for everything. For when my mother has one of her problems, for when Gwen gets into trouble. And that doesn’t even begin to address Diana or Lilah.”
“I will do whatever I can. You know that.”
“Yes, I do. Which is why I had to leave in this beastly weather.”
“What?”
“I had to ride all the way to Kent to the family estate. It’s a mess, I tell you. I’m doing everything I can there, and you’ll hate it if you ever go there.”
“I won’t,” she whispered. She wouldn’t ever go there. A mistress never went to the family estate.
“You will mark my words. You will. But that is something else that I wish to speak to you about, though it is horrible far away. And in the rain, I couldn’t go more than thirty miles without stopping. That’s why I took so long.”
His words were so scattered that she began to fear for his health. Normally, he spoke with clear and direct purpose, but he was rushing his words, and they made little sense.