“All my life, I’ve been hearing about how things work with the Westwoods. What they value. What they expect. What they do to people who don’t fit in.”
His expression darkened. “Whoa.What we do to people who don’t fit in?We’re not the fucking mob.”
“I know,” I said gently, thinking about my mother and her desperate desire to belong. “But look at what just happened back there. They don’t see me as a person, Jesse. I’m a solution. A distraction. A way to drive their narrative.”
He flinched. “Okay, fine. I know what that looked like, but I?—”
“I know you don’t see me that way, but they do,” I said quietly. “I will never be one of them. They won’t allow it.”
The car slowed as we neared my building, and I swallowed, my chest tight but my resolve firm. I would not lose myself again. Not even for Jesse. He might have a beautiful soul, a big heart, a stunning face, and a magnificent cock, but none of that was worth sacrificing… me.
“Theywillaccept you,” he argued, sounding so certain that it made my heart ache. “I mean it, Jacque. They will. Fuck, they already have.”
He leaned a little closer, like he could bridge the gap forming between us physically first and the rest would just naturally follow. “I know you’ve been through a lot with the other Westwoods in Europe. I might not know all the details, but I do knowmyfamily isn’t like that.”
I let out a breath, staring down at my hands again and realizing that he genuinely believed that. “You saw Alex with your own two eyes. You heard him. That wasn’t nothing.”
“He’s not a bad guy. Sometimes, he just gets caught up in what needs to be done and he forgets to phrase things nicely, but he really does want what’s best for us. All of us.”
Us.
How I wished I could ever be a part of thatus, but realistically, it just wasn’t going to happen. There was Jesse and me, and then there were the Westwoods, and one of those things was not like the other.
“I’m normal, Jesse.”
He frowned. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“It means I have nothing to add,” I said, finally looking at him again. “No ties. No leverage. No value in the way your family measures it.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is,” I said softly, not fighting. Just stating the facts. “Alex even came right out and said it, and it’s okay. Really. I’m okay with it.”
“No, you’re not.”
“The fake engagement works for them because it shows the public that the Westwoods don’t always marry for business. That sometimes it’s real. That’s all I would be to them. Proof of concept.”
Pain flickered across his handsome features. “Okay, fine, but fuck them then. That’s not what you are tome.”
“I know that.” God, I knew it. “That’s what makes this so hard.”
The car slowed to a stop outside my building. The rain had tapered off into a soft, steady drizzle that painted the world in a muted glow. Neither of us moved at first, like maybe keeping dead still would allow us to forget that we had to choose after all, but life didn’t work that way.
Jesse turned to face me fully, those blue eyes pleading as they clashed with mine. He even reached for my hands, taking them in a firm grip and holding on tight. “It doesn’t have to be hard, Jacque. You don’t have to do anything right now. Okay? Let’s just take a step back.”
“I don’t want to lose myself again,” I said finally, my voice barely above a whisper. “That’s the truth of it for me. I’ve only just found my footing and I like who I am here. I like my job, and my life, and how what I’m building feels like it belongs tome.”
His gaze softened, growing warm and steady despite the fact that everything was unraveling, but the way he was looking at me right now was exactly why I had to come right out and say it. I saw the hope flickering there, the determined light in those eyes that made it seem like he’d heard what I was saying but hadn’t accepted any of it insofar as it related to him.
“I like you,” I said. “That’s why I can’t do this. I’m sorry, Jesse. Truly. I wish there was another way, but I just don’t see it.”
Abruptly letting go of his hands, I twisted in my seat and pulled the door handle, pushing it open before I could change my mind. It took everything I had to step out onto the damp pavement, but I didn’t close the door right away.
Instead, I leaned back in slightly, meeting his eyes one last time and memorizing the way he looked at me like I was something worth fighting for.Fucking hell, that’s dangerous.
“Iamsorry, Jesse” I said, meaning it in a hundred different ways.
Sorry for walking away. Sorry for not believing. Sorry for wanting to stay. Sorry for not being able to.