Once I made it inside, it somehow got even worse. Instead of just strangers with cameras, I had to face business associates, extended family friends, and all sorts of randoms Alex had invited so as not to offend anyone that mattered.
Everyone was dressed to the nines, with drinks in their hands and heads turning the second I walked in. I felt it immediately, that shift as the attention snapped to me. Somehow, I’d managed to become the main event, but I ignored everyone who called my name and tried to talk to me, knowing I had to pay a visit to the bar first.
“Jesse,” someone said, another voice ringing out straight after. “Hey, man.”
I didn’t stop, not interested even when someone reached for my arm and tried to grab me. I sidestepped whoever it was without breaking stride, really not in the mood for conversation since I didn’t have it in me to pretend.
Tonight, I didn’t want to smile, or turn on the charm, or play the role everyone expected. Instead, as I moved deeper into the venue, I tried to focus only on getting through one minute tothe next. But halfway across the room, I seriously considered turning around and leaving.
Maybe I should just call this whole thing a wash.
What was the point anyway? I could already feel that old instinct creeping in, the one that told me this wasn’t worth it. That none of this, not the family expectations, the public perception, or trying to be something more, was worth the way I felt right now.
Maybe I should just let it all go.
Ignore the feeling I’d had the first time I held my nephew. The way something in my chest had clicked into place, like maybe there was more to life than I’d thought.
Ignore the way I felt watching Will fall in love with Eliza. The way he’d fought for her like there was no other option. Like loving her wasn’t just something he wanted, but something he needed.
Maybe I should just ignore it all and go back to what I know.All those bad old habits that had kept me from feeling like this for so long.
I could always move back to Miami, go back to sleeping with any girl in a thong, and turn myself back into a brick of dry ice, emotion-wise.Being that guy sure as hell hurt a lot less than this.
“Jesus, you look like you’re either about to start a fight or leave before Alex has even thought about giving his speech.”
I turned to see Nate suddenly beside me and pursed my lips. “Can it be both?”
He laughed but then studied me for a second before the amusement faded. “What’s the matter? You really don’t look so good.”
I almost laughed out loud.Where would I even start?
I’d blown up the best thing that had ever happened to me, and because of that, I couldn’t seem to function like a normalperson anymore.Or maybe I should tell him about how, for the first time in my life, I’m standing in a room full of people, knowing what everyone expects from me, but I don’t have it in me to fake it.
“I don’t even know,” I said honestly, squeezing the back of my neck.
Nate nodded like he understood what I was saying. “Yeah. I figured as much.”
“Where’s your better half?” I asked, leaning against the bar and turning to look out at the room, letting my gaze skip across the crowd while I waited for the bartender to get to us. “I haven’t seen her yet.”
“Neither have I.”
As I turned my head to look back at him, I saw a flash of white that was completely out of place in a room full of darker tones. My brain stalled for half a second before it caught up. Then it got rewired entirely.
Jacqueline?
She was here, looking like an angel in a white gown. The sight knocked the air straight out of my lungs, and every thought I’d just had, every plan to walk away, and every instinct to shut down were suddenly gone.
In their places was only her. She moved through the room like she was trying to hold herself together, her posture composed but her eyes searching. For me, it turned out. As soon as our eyes met, that was it. It was over.
There was no way I was ever going back.
CHAPTER 46
JACQUELINE
Standing at the edge of a room that glittered like it belonged in someone else’s life, I smoothed my hands down the front of my dress. Chandeliers threw soft golden light over everything, but it all felt distant, like I was watching it through glass.
Part of me still wasn’t sure he was going to want to see me. After everything I’d said and done, I wouldn’t blame him if he was just… over it. But whatever lingering hesitation and fearI’dbeen feeling about a possible future together had dissolved after the afternoon spent with the wives.