I know they’d be there for me in a second if I let them see through these walls I’ve built up. And sometimes, I know they can see the truth when I bring my mom up.
This doesn’t happen often, but not because I don’t want to talk about her and how I feel. I just don’t know how.
I don’t put on the smile for them.
I put it on around them.
Because if I let myself feel all this pain all the time, I don’t know if I’ll ever be that happy-go-lucky Zeke again. If I allow myself to feel everything I’ve denied for so long, I’ll lose the Zeke I used to be.
The one who made jokes. The one who liked to have a good time. The one who played hockey because he enjoyed it and not because he needed the escape.
I’ll lose the kid who knew life before his mom got sick.
And if I lose that Zeke—
I don’t know if I’ll ever get him back.
Your econ partner still riding your ass?” I flop down on the couch next to Declan.
“She hasn’t been riding my ass.” He rolls his eyes. “If it were up to her, she’d be working with someone else. I feel like every time I make progress, I somehow screw it up.”
“Sounds about right,” Brooks says, taking the spot on the other side of Declan.
“Maybe you could get Brinley to put in a good word for you,” I continue. “You said it yourself; they’re besties now.”
“Yeah.” He groans, running his hands over his face. “Just my luck that my sister befriends the one girl on campus who wants nothing to do with me.”
“There’s probably more than one,” Brinley drops a few pizza boxes on the coffee table. “And, maybe if you didn’t storm out the other night, things wouldn’t be as tense.”
“She was eavesdropping, Brin. Was I just supposed to stick around and act like she didn’t listen to our entire conversation from your bathroom?”
“Or here’s a crazy idea, she was just using the bathroom.” Brinley stares Declan down. “You need to apologize to her.”
“For what?! She pulls that kind of shit with me all the time.” Brinley flicks him in the ear. “Ow, Brin. What was that for?”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Do you want me to use my charm to try and convince her to like you?” I waggle my eyebrows, and there’s a universalNofrom around the room.
“I think you’re the last person to help anyone in this room,” Fletcher adds, dragging in a giant bean bag for him and Tate.
“That’s just mean,” I argue. “I don’t have to be here right now. I could be out getting laid.”
“Trust me, we know.” Tate grins, falling onto the beanbag, and Fletch drops beside her.
We aren’t together like this often, which is weird because most of us live here, but Brooks spends most nights with Olivia, and she isn’t a huge fan of us.
But tonight, we’re celebrating Tate and Fletcher’s birthdays, which we always celebrate on the same day since they’re only three days apart.
We’ve celebrated the two of them the same way every year since we were kids. Pizza and a scary movie. The only difference now is the booze—
This means Tate and Brinley will both be crashing here tonight.
“Are you guys gonna shut up so I can play this movie?” Jeremy wonders. “Or are we going to keep bickering?”
“We aren’t bickering,” I reply.
“It sounds like bickering to me,” Jaxon says.