“I know it’s not nearly enough for what I took from you, but I promise I’ll find a way to give it all back.”
“How did you even get all this money?” Now I’m concerned about whatever illegal activity she might’ve participated in to get this.
“I didn’t spend all of it.” She forces a sad smile. “You were right that night when you yelled at me. I was wrong to take it from you.”
I don’t know how to react to this. It’s clear that my mom’s sober right now, which is rare. It happened before, but usually, after a small stint of sobriety, she jumps further into the deep end.
“I saw Jay,” she continues. “He made me realize that you could’ve gone to the police, you could’ve turned me in, and you didn’t.”
“I couldn’t.”
“And you should’ve. I want to be better,mija. I know it’s not much, but I’ve been sober for nearly a week. Jay’s been taking me to an AA group; we meet three times a week, and he’s been really holding me accountable.”
“That’s great,Mami.”
“I know this doesn’t prove anything. I know it doesn’t make up for anything, but I promise you, this time, it’ll be different.”
It’s always going tobe different. And it is different… until it isn’t. And then everything seems to hit a thousand times harder because she’s proven she can stay clean. She’s proven to me that she can be a good mom. And then, she goes and chooses drugs and alcohol over me.
“I hope so,” I say. “If you want, I can stay in tonight. We can rent a movie or something.”
“No.” She sniffles. “Go, have fun. Jay’s stopping by after shift to make sure I don’t go and do anything stupid.”
“Okay.” She squeezes my hand, then turns around to head into the living room. “Mami—” she looks back at me, “estoy muy orgullosa de ti.”
Her eyes soften.
“Gracias, mija.”
Ialready regret this. I haven’t even reached Zeke’s house, but I have this queasy feeling in my stomach. This is embarrassing. Who shows up at someone’s house to tell them they’re ready to be fuck buddies? It’s beenweekssince I last saw Zeke. He could’ve found a new girl that gives him the same pleasure I did, and maybe she accepted the wholefriends-with-benefitsthing the second he offered it.
Seriously, who waits nearly four weeks to realize that no-strings sex with one person is a good idea. Always knowing who I’m gonnahave sex with and that I’m going to enjoy it should be a no-brainer. He said it himself, it wouldn’t mean anything, and we could sleep with other people if we wanted to.
I deserve to have a fuck buddy. With all the hell I’ve had to deal with, I deserve to have one thing come easy. And that’s sex.
Except now I’m wondering if coming to a Halloween party to tell Zeke I’m in is a huge mistake. Maybe Oliver would be down to be fuck buddies. Sure, the rush I get in my body while we’re sleeping together isn’t as exhilarating as it is with Zeke. Still, he actually gets me to my tipping point. And he’s good at it.
And I definitely underestimated how many people would be here for the party. I thought the last party was ridiculous with how many people were there, but tonight’s even worse. I don’t even know how to find Zeke in all these people.
“Yo, Harris!” I try to find where the voice comes from, but I can barely hear them over the music and other conversations. “Is Brooks gonna be back with more booze soon? We’re almost out!”
My eyes finally land on a guy in the far corner of what is usually the dining room. His smile reminds me of Zeke’s, only because they both have a cockiness about them.
But he’s shorter than Zeke and a little lankier, not in a bad way; I can still see the muscle peaking through his shirt, but it’s subtle. Although buzzed, his hair is dark brown, which compliments his rich brown skin.
“If you’re alcoholic ass wasn’t hogging all of it, Marcus, we might still have a few bottles!” I don’t need to see him to know that’s his voice. Now, I only need to figure outwherethe voice is coming from. “He should be back soon; they just went up the road for it.”
And then I see him. He’s leaning against the wall, watching people play beer pong. Even though they’re in costumes, I instantly recognize three of them. I saw them at the first party I met Zeke at; they called Jaxon over to play a round of beer pong with them.
Fletch, I think his name was, is playing beer pong with the same two girls as the last party, but there’s a guy with the blonde girl who doesn’t look familiar.
“You got this,” I mumble, rubbing my hands on my jeans before walking over to Zeke. A couple of girls are chatting with him, which I didn’t notice before coming over.
Fuck. Maybe I can turn around; he’ll never even know I was here.
Or maybe I should just talk to him.
But I don’t know if this Fletch guy saw us at that first party, which means the whole incognito fuck buddy idea I have would get thrown down the drain.