“Thanks.”
I let out a shaky breath as the ICU doors open. I don’t know if I plan on walking around outside or if I’m gonna get inmy car and leave, get away from this place. All I know is I can’t sit in that room. But I also feel guilty for wanting to leave. I feel guilty that Igetto go. When that’s all she wants.
I step outside of the ICU and freeze. The once-empty waiting room is full.
“Hey.” Ember steps toward me, and before I know it, she pulls me into her arms. I don’t wrap my arms around her, not because I don’t want to, not because I don’t appreciate them being here, but because my body is stiff. Part of me doesn’t know if their being here is real. “Are you hungry? We brought you some food.”
“How, um, how long have you guys been here?” I look at each of them, engraving this memory into my brain.
“A few hours,” Declan replies.
“Hours?” I repeat.
“Right after you left, Declan and I called everyone.” Ember shrugs. “We didn’t want you to be alone.”
“You guys came all the way down here?”
“It’s not that far, man,” Jaxon says. “But even if it was, we’d all be here. There’s nowhere else we’d rather be.”
Not that I didn’t expect them to care; they love my mom just as much as I do; I guess I just didn’t expect them to show up without me asking them to be here. Especially Brinley and Jax. I don’t think I’ve seen them in the same room for ages.
“We got you some food from down the street,” Ember continues. “We assumed you hadn’t eaten and wanted to make sure you got something in your system. It’s probably pretty cold now, but I could find someone and see if we can warm it up.”
“I’m not really hungry.” I finally move away from the ICU doors and closer to everyone in the waiting room.
“How is she?” Jeremy wonders.
“Um, she’s sleeping now, but it doesn’t look promising. The cancer has spread, and there’s nothing left for them to do.”
The silence is deafening. You can hear each heartbreak in the room because it’s so quiet. I don’t blame them for not knowing what to say. What do you say to your friend who’s losing their mom?
“Do you need us to get you anything?” Brinley’s eyes are soft. “One of us can sit with her if you want to get out of here for a bit. Clear your head.”
“No, I’m good,” I lie. I appreciate all of them being here, but deep down, there’s only one person I want with me.
I called Avalon a couple hours ago. Once I saw my mom and settled in here, I just wanted to let her know what was happening. I don’t expect her to come here. I called her during her lab, knowing she wouldn’t have her phone with her, but I needed to hear her voice.
I don’t talk about my mom being sick often, but for some reason, it was easy to talk about with Avalon. Maybe it was because, in many ways, she was an outsider to all of it, at least in the beginning. Maybe it was because I could see the pity in everyone’s eyes when I talked about my mom, the pain everyone would feel. I didn’t want to be the person who brought everyone’s mood down.
Or maybe not talking about it allowed me to pretend it wasn’t happening.
“You wanna sit down?” Jaxon stands up and motions to his seat. He didn’t have to get up; there are plenty of empty chairs, but he did, so I take a seat.
The waiting room falls quiet again. Everyone’s trying to avoid asking me the same questions a million times. So, we sit in silence. It’s honestly nice just being surrounded by the people you care about, knowing they’re here if you need them.
“Avalon?” The words leave Jaxon’s lips laced with confusion. I feel my heart race as I stand up and turn toward the other end of the hallway. Avalon stands a few feet away, her chest quickly rising and falling like she’s out of breath. Like she ran all the way here from campus.
Her eyes soften when they meet mine, and then, in three large strides, I’m melting into her arms.
I guess I wasn’t out of tears after all.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I would’ve been here sooner, but I didn’t get your message until my lab was over, and then I raced here as quickly as I could, but the Uber kept getting lost, and… it doesn't matter. None of that matters.”
I nestle her against me, my arms locked around her like if I let go, she’ll disappear.
“Thank you for coming,” I mumble.
She pulls back just enough for us to be face to face and brushes the tears off my cheeks. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be. I love you, and whenever you need me, I’m here. You should know that by now.”