"I always feel kind of tight and tense, sir. Like a pot of water left on the stove to simmer. The bubbling heat is always there, like it could boil to the surface at any minute. But it never does."
"That's a colorful analogy, Thomas. Let me try and explain what's going on. These nocturnal emissions you've experienced in the past are just enough to relieve what's plugging up your pipes. Your body hasn't had a full, deep release, so you're always going to be humming along with this pent-up energy."
"But how do I get it out? I'm not married. I don't even have a girlfriend."
"Thomas, you do know what masturbation is, don't you?"
I shook my head.
"Well, you know how babies are made, don't you?"
"Of course," I said defensively.
"It's the same concept, only instead of ejaculating into a female, you just ejaculate by yourself." The doctor made a stroking motion with his hands, manipulating the air with his fingertips. "You just fondle your penis until your semen is released."
A stirring grew inside me as I began imagining a vivid scenario. "I didn't know I could do that."
The doctor chuckled. "You really have led a sheltered life, haven't you, son?"
I nodded. "Well, I can't do what you're describing, doctor. I can't touch myself."
He raised a curious eyebrow. "There are other ways to get it out."
"Without touching myself?"
"Without touching yourself," the doctor confirmed.
"How does it work?"
"I could perform a procedure rectally."
"Through my butthole?"
"It's a perfectly legitimate method," he explained. "I would begin by inserting two lubricated fingers inside you. From there, I can perform a repeated motion of massaging your vas deferens, seminal vesicle, and prostate gland. This will send a signal to your body to release the build-up."
"That sounds pretty complicated," I said.
"Anatomy sometimes is. But you have the easy part. All you have to do is relax and let me take care of the rest."
"And it won't hurt?"
"Not at all. I promise. In fact, it will feel quite pleasurable. This will allow you to experience a full and complete release."
"Doctor, I don't know. This sounds wrong. I don't think my mother would approve."
He set his pipe on the table and leaned forward, providing me a whiff of the sweet aftershave permeating from his skin. "Maybe not, Thomas. But that's the way the male anatomy was designed. These fluids must be released on a regular basis. It's part of nature. If they aren't being released nocturnally and you aren't willing to release them manually, this is the only other option I can offer."
"And you won't touch my penis?"
"I need to do a general exam of your penis and testicles, just to make sure everything is okay down there. Then I'll perform the procedure rectally. I will have complete respect for your body and will only do what is medically necessary."
"This works for other men?"
"Of course. I'm a urologist, which means I specialize in this area. Just last week, I performed this technique on a paraplegic who wanted to conceive with his wife. I successfully extracted the specimen from him by stimulating his prostate gland."
"If that's what you do for a profession, why do it here at night, in a bathhouse?"
"For men like you. You came here because you didn't feel comfortable going to a doctor's office, right?"
"Well, true," I agreed.
"It's a volunteer service I provide to help men out. Men who might not feel safe or welcome in other places. We'll take it very slowly and I'll tell you what I'm going to do before I do it. Everything will be with your consent. If you want to stop, just say so. You're free to get up and leave any time you like."
I started to feel a bit more relaxed. "Okay, let's try it."
Doctor Doyle stood up from the armchair and stretched his tree trunk arms in front of me. He was probably half a foot taller than my five-foot-nine stature. "That's a good chap. Now if you'd like to begin, let's go to my exam room and I'll get you taken care of."