la ?ea, la ?ea.
It was a silly children’s lullaby about how beautiful the land and flowers and the sun were with a rainbow curved over the sky. But it was wholesome, pure, and good. It was about harmony and synchronicity.
I lived in darkness, mentally and emotionally. Despite where I lived, I hadn’t seen the sun in a very long time. I hadn’t looked at its beauty, hadn’t cherished its rays. I hadn’t looked up at the sky and felt the serenity of paradise.
Not until now.
Not until her.
I stepped back, and kept walking back. I couldn’t be thinking such things. I couldn’t befeelingsuch things. I was thirty-four fucking years old! I’d lost my virginity before she’d even been born! I wasnota good man.
She followed, so innocent, almost encouraging. And that fucking brilliant smile still on her face. “You’re just like the Duke, aren’t you?”
I blinked, the opposite wall connecting with my back. “What?” I was in no way a duke or anyone of importance.
“John Wayne,” she said with a bit of a laugh. She adjusted Samantha, who still had her hands to her ears and was humming that familiar song, on her hip. “You’re just like him.”
I frowned. “Isn’t he that cowboy from those old westerns?”
She nodded excitedly. “A true hero.”
I understood then. She wasn’t comparing me to a duke or a cowboy, but ahero. “Kahaha!No,” I viciously shook my head. “Not a hero. Nowhere close to being a hero.”
Caroline’s expression fell, her eyebrows scrunching together. “I saw you. You came here to rescue Nishi, but you’re not leaving the rest of us behind. You thought there was danger and you put yourself in front of me. You were willing to protect me, a stranger.”
I swallowed hard. What could I possibly say to that? She wasn’t wrong, but her assumption about my motives was. Because I wasnota hero. I wouldneverbe a hero. I didn’t have morals or rules that I followed, and I sure as fuck would never sacrifice someone I loved to save others.
When Kayl had told Aloiki and I about his police exam, and how he had to answer questions about the needs of “the many” outweighing the needs of “the one”, I had laughed.Laughed. I’d never make it as a cop or any other civil servant. At the time, I wasn’t yet married to Kalea, but I had claimed her. And I knew that there wasnothingI wouldn’t do to protect her. Kill, maim, sacrifice… It didn’t matter, so long as she was safe and protected.
Our divorce had not changed who I was at my core. If anything, it made my views on the world darker. The worst pain I’d ever felt in my life was the day I’d stared down at that paternity test and known that the woman I’d given the world to had betrayed me. And now I strived every fucking day so thatIwould never be the one harmed again.
Caroline’s confused expression still radiated hope. She wanted a hero. She wanted a protector. My earlier vow was no less true. It had been instinct, a claim from the depths of my soul.
But I wasn’t her hero. If she wasn’t careful, I would be her downfall.
“You’re safe with me,” I assured her, not knowing what else to say. “I’d never harm you, and there are no limits to my protection. But don’t mistake me for a good man, Caroline.”
She was light, the sun. While I was darkness and a servant of Milu, the god of death.
Aloiki still had not emergedfrom the room. I ordered the others not to disturb him. He’d come out when he was ready. Tommy brought the other woman, Ayame, upstairs. Reacher had summoned Hurricane so we could get her to the hospital, as she had more injuries than Tommy could help her with. She also was, understandably, not comfortable around so many men. Hurricane’s Ol’ Lady, Tina, was going to come with him to help Ayame feel safer.
The twins reported back that they were on their way. I didn’t know where they found Weatherby Dalton-Jones IV or what condition they were going to bring him back in. I had more important things on my mind.
I took Caroline upstairs with Samantha. I didn’t like her being out of my sight, and Samantha was hungry. I also felt bad that Samantha had been humming that entire time we’d talked without fail. It obviously was not the first time she’d been forced to do so, and that fucking sucked.
Caroline was obviously familiar with the kitchen, but from the way Samantha’s eyes bounced around, I had to wonder if this was the first time she was out of the hidden basement. There was no high chair or booster seat in the kitchen for Samantha. We’d been all over this house earlier, and there was no evidence that a child lived here at all.
I recalled the pink bunny stencils on the wall down below, and my heart ached at the realization that that was Samantha’s room.
As soon as we entered the kitchen, Samantha went running to the window, where she crawled up on the still and glued her nose immediately to the window as she looked out onto the backyard. Had she ever been outside this house? I glanced at Caroline. Hadshe?
“Caroline.”
She looked up at me from where she was scooping out yogurt and fruit into a bowl. That was Samantha’s lunch? Or maybe this was just a snack while Caroline cooked her lunch? Personally, I hated yogurt. From the way Samantha had scrunched her nose when Caroline had pulled the container from the fridge, yogurt was not the four year old’s favorite meal either.
“What happened to Nishi? I’m not asking about what he did to her during her captivity,” I added hastily. She’d frozen in shock at my initial question. “I meant to hernow.”
Caroline’s eyes glanced to the window as if to confirm that Samantha was distracted. She resumed scooping the yogurt into the bowl. “Nishi kept trying to escape. She knew we all couldn’t go together, and she vowed to bring help as soon as she got out. I tried to warn her, but she was so determined. I… I should have tried harder to stop her.” The bowl was nearly overflowing with yogurt. I reached my hand across the counter to pause her next scoop, careful not to actually touch her. Caroline’s cheeks flamed when she realized just how much yogurt she’d put into the bowl for her daughter. “Mr. Dalton-Jones caught her. Time and again, but she didn’t stop. I heard him tell her that if she tried again, he’d beat her bloody.” She opened a drawer and pulled out a spoon I thought too large for a four year old. “He kept his promise.”