Caroline didn’t move or lift her head the entire time that Doodles set up the laser. Her shaking got more intense and her grip on me tightened as he got started. I tried to offerher what comforting words I could, reminding her to breathe and telling her how proud I was of her.
And when Doodles announced he was done for today, it was like a bucket of cold water was poured down on the both of us. She pulled her hands out of mine and turned on the cushioned table in the fetal position so she faced the wall.
Saga came into the room with a reusable ice pack. He glanced between Caroline and me uncertainly.
I stood, my back and legs stiff from being crouched over her for so long. I didn’t give a damn, though. I felt so numb that I was surprised I didn’t fall over upon standing. I approached Saga as I headed for the door, stopping when we were shoulder to shoulder.
“Don’t mention this to anyone,” I ordered him. “I can either guarantee your silence with a bullet or with your word. The choice is yours.”
He nodded once. “I won’t. As fucked up as it is, I’m glad you were here.”
“How—” I cut myself off from asking him how she’d been. It wasn’t any of my business, not anymore. “Where’s Samantha?”
“Tommy’s got her. They went to the Blaisdell Center for a dog show.”
I nodded once, and then left.
I drove aimlesslyfor hours before I ended up back at Kalea’s. I had no idea why. Maybe I was just a glutton for punishment. This wasn’t my home, but then what did I know about homes? I’d lost two in the past several months. One destroyed by a man who I had once called a friend and the other by my own selfish actions.
The sun had already set when I walked through the frontdoor. I didn’t have a key, but it was unlocked. The numbness of the day hadn’t worn off yet, and despite the heat of the evening, I felt utterly cold.
Kalea was on the couch when I stepped inside. I didn’t see Pua anywhere, but a glance at the clock showed it was actually later than I thought. Kaela had waited up for me.
“We need to talk,” she said without preamble.
“I’m not in the mood,” I replied, making my way into the kitchen.
She followed me. “Tough shit! What happened today? You ran off like the Night Marchers were chasing after you, and now you show up like nothing happened? I thought…” I glanced over my shoulder as I opened the fridge to see her hanging her head. “I thought when you’d stayed that you were trying to… I thought there was a chance you were trying to patch things up with us.”
I pulled a beer from the fridge. “If you hadn’t slept with someone else, there wouldn’t be anything to patch up.”
Kalea flinched. “I made a mistake?—”
“Oh no.” I popped the top off and tossed it into the sink. “You madethemistake. You slept with another man and then tried to pass his child off as mine. And you think there’s a chance we can ‘patch things up’?”
“I… I…” Tears filled her eyes.
I took a sip of beer. “I truly don’t understand, Kalea. I gave you everything. I loved you with my whole body and soul. How could you do it?”
She kept her head down, arms wrapped around her middle. “I didn’t have a choice.”
I snorted, the sound echoed by the glass bottle held in front of my face. “Unless you tripped and fell vagina first onto his dick, I highly doubt that.”
Her cheeks flamed as her chin trembled. “I lovemy daughter, and I am sorry her existence hurt you. But I can’t have you staying here, Tangaloa. It’s too… It’s too confusing. For both her and me.”
I shrugged, not letting her words affect me. It wasn’t like this was another home I was losing. Technically, it was a home I’d lost a long time ago. “I’ll be out by morning.”
Kalea glanced up at me, and nodded once. “Mahalo.”
“Answer something for me,” I said as she turned to leave. She paused, waiting for me to continue. “What happened three months ago? I’ve seen you with Pua. You’re a fantastic mother, patient and nurturing. Why did you abandon her at Aloiki’s like that?”
The question had been bothering me for months, but more so since I’d landed drunk on her doorstep.
Kalea frantically wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Aloiki sold the farm to the club, cutting me off from that monthly income.”
I’d been married to Kalea for years. I knew damn well that the amount of money given to her each month from her share of the farm was not enough to cry over. A couple hundred, maybe, depending on how many boarders he had. It wasn’t Kalea’s main source of income, though I still wasn’t sure what she did on her computer when she said she was working. Additionally, Kalea hated the farm. Blamed it for the death of her parents, and rarely made a reappearance there since she moved into this house when she was nineteen.
“What does that have to do with anything?”