I ran my hand through my hair as I sighed. I just wanted to unload all my stress on her, but I didn't know what mood she was in.
How are you? I’ve missed you.
I’ve been thinking about you all day.
I couldn’t stem the quick pierce of annoyance. I wanted her to answer me properly.
Talking about my work was a chore for her, but she could be polite about it, at least.
I tended to live vicariously through her. I adored working at the hospital, but The Foundation helped fuel my sense of responsibility to my family. My grandmother’s legacy would never be continued if it was left in Mum's hands, but I stillmissed my old job. So I enjoyed listening to stories about her day, but she was rarely interested in mine.
I tried again.
How have you been? How’s your family? Are you all alright up there?
Another beat passed before the phone pinged.
I was wondering if you were thinking about what we did last week?
My annoyance couldn’t quiet the wave of heat that flowed through me. I’d stroked myself every night rereading the texts, desperately clinging to our connection, so confused about why she went cold after that.
Yes, I wanted to talk about it.
And talk about why sexting was somehow more important to her than just telling me how she was.
You wanted to talk? Or you wanted to play with me again?
I paused, my thumbs on the screen. I was confused about why I felt embarrassed to tell Molly the truth, even though she’d known me for years. I cleared my throat, weighing up the options. It didn’t matter how much I hesitated, I already knew the answer.
I wanted to do it again.
That’s what I was hoping. Especially if you need to relax.
I still don’t understand why you haven’t brought up wanting to do this before?
It’s easier this way.
My brow furrowed at her cryptic reply. Maybe this was the space she had been talking about, the freedom she needed to release the resentment that had built up between us over the years getting in the way.
What is that supposed to mean?
There was a tense minute where I clutched the phone, staring at it intensely, willing it to ping with a message.
It means that I want you to spread those legs and fuck yourself with your fingers again until you come.
Glaring at my phone, I gritted my teeth as I sifted through the different strands of emotion binding me.
I had too much happening in my life, and that was her complaint. But it was something I could give her that didn’t weigh me down, and I enjoyed, too.
I sighed deeply as I rose. I was sacrificing something within me by letting it go, letting her get away with hiding from me while I gave her what she wanted. But she held the power. If she didn’t want to speak to me, she could simply stop, and that would be it.
I switched the speech-to-text on again and asked.
Where do you want me?
As I smoothed down my jumper my fingers caught the threads that had come loose from Mr Snuggles’s claws, and I wondered what would become of me if Molly and I continued without talking about what really mattered.
Dom