Better behind closed doors than in a public setting. Especially when all my superiors are around.
I barrel through a service door and end up in a narrow alleyway with a line of dumpsters.
At first, I see no one, but as the door slowly shuts, Ash appears in my peripheral vision.
Her eyes are red and so is the tip of her nose. She’s been crying, and it kills me.
“Who the fuck are you?” She doesn’t pull one punch.
I take a step toward her and she recoils. It’s the last reaction I would ever want her to have.
“I was going to explain everything. Tonight.” I reach my hand out to her.
“You’re a cop? You lied about everything. Especially who you were.”
“I never lied about how I felt.”
“I feel...so fucking stupid.” She makes a disgusted face. “I slept with you. I trusted you.”
“You can still trust me.”
“Is Eli even your real name?”
“Yes,” I don’t hesitate to answer.
Ash reads my name tag aloud. “Officer Kirschner.” My true last name falls strangely from her lips.
“Eli Dexter Kirschner. Officer Eli Dexter Kirschner.” It sounds like a ridiculous introduction. “I was put on a case. My precinct caught wind of an online auction, and I went undercover to expose it.” I explain everything. Not exactly the way I had planned, but groveling is still on the agenda nonetheless.
“Oh my god. Are you going to arrest me?” Ash turns pale. “My sorority. All the girls,” she rambles nervously. “Our whole lives are going to be ruined.” She looks me dead in the eye.
“No one is getting arrested and no one’s life is getting ruined. I already wrote my report. The case is closed.” I want to put her mind at ease. “I would never hurt you. I love you.” Those words are a tour de force. Especially for me. I have never said them to anyone else. And I never plan to say them to another woman again.
Ash stands stiller than a statue, absorbing it all. I hover over her, dwarfing her feminine frame.
“I don’t know you.” Her lip quivers.
“You said you loved me,” I argue.
“I love Eli Dexter Livingston. Not Officer Kirschner.”
She just crushed me. “We’re the same person.” I take another step toward her and she wraps her arms around her waist, denying me. She doesn’t want me.
“I need to go.” She barrels past me, knocking her shoulder with mine.
“Ash,” I call out.
“I feel sick,” she whispers, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Ash,” I call again, sterner this time.
“Don’t fucking follow me.” She turns and runs down the alleyway.
I stand there like a fool.
No, notlikea fool, Iama fool.
A fool to ever think my deception could end in anything other than disaster.