“A little after midnight.”
I sit up holding the blue material thing in my hand. “What is this?”
“Your uniform.”
I hold it up and stretch it out. “Shiny briefs?” I curl my lip.
“Yup, I got you a job.”
“As what, an underwear model?”
“Not exactly. A bartender. At Culture. I’m friends with the owner.”
“Culture?”
“It’s a strip club.”
I look up at Mac, digesting this information. “You’re out of your fucking skull. I’m not working at a strip club.” I toss the Speedo back at him. He catches them with one hand.
“Yes. You are. Or you’re getting the fuck out of my apartment.”
“You’re a fucking piece of work.” I grumble.
Mac stands over me. Almost threateningly. He’s not as tall or as stacked as me, but he has an air of authority. He always has. An unassuming, commanding presence. “You’re goddamn right I am. And you have two options, find Alana or take this job.”
I spring to my feet. “Why do you keep bringing her up?” I shove him.
“Because she’s the reason you’re throwing the mother of all pity parties.”
I start to shake. I think the amount of alcohol in my system plus the lack of food is taking its toll. “I can’t face her.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m a piece of shit who abandoned her!”
“I think if you talk to her and tell her what happened, she’ll forgive you.”
I shake my head severely. “How is she supposed to forgive me when I can’t forgive myself!” I scream. There’s a sudden upshot inside me. A volcanic explosion of emotions that bulldozes me. I drop down onto the couch and hide my face in my hands.Don’t cry. Don’t cry.But I can’t control it. Hot tears spill down my cheeks and into palms.Fuck.
I feel Mac’s hand on my shoulder.
“It will destroy me if she rejects me,” I mutter pathetically, shaking inconsolably. There, that’s the underlying reason I can’t face her. I’m a fucking pussy coward who wouldn’t survive if I lost her a second time.
“Who says she’ll reject you? She’ll be pissed, but I really believe she’ll forgive you. That girl loves you. I will never forget the look in her eyes when she came looking for you. I swear, it scarred me.”
I shake my head in my hands. The thought of Alana’s dejected eyes guts me. “I can’t do it. I’m not ready.”
“Fine then. Make yourself ready. Take this job. Have some fun.Get laid.”He stresses every sentence. “You’ll feel better if you release some frustration.”
Mac’s be all end all solution: sex.
I lift my head and wipe my face off. “Fine,” I give in. “I’ll take the job.”
Mac sighs and slaps my arm. “It’s a start, bro.”
I look at him desolately. “I hope so.”
There’s a sudden knock at the door.