“It’s true, Ryan. He may not be able to tell you, but he has told me.”
I’m not sure that’s accurate. The last conversation we had he called me a pussy. That claim made it pretty clear how he feels about me.
“And what exactly has he told you?” I cross my arms, continuing to stare at Sean. An epidemic of emotions is threatening to break loose. I notice a new tattoo on his neck. The number 1254, and wonder what the hell it means.
“He looks up to you, Ryan. He wishes he could be more like you.”
“More like me? I’m freaking nothing, Tash.”
“Not to him.” She argues. “He also wishes he was stronger.”
“Stronger?”
“Stronger than the disease. Strong enough to have stood up and not let you take the fall for him. He regrets every day you spent in prison.”
“So do I.” My voice cracks.
“I understand your frustration.” She puts her small hands on her protruding belly.
“Do you now?”
“Yes. I basically threw myself at Sean a few years ago. I told him everything. How much I loved him. How much I wanted to be with him. And that I didn’t care that he was sick.” She wipes away a stray tear. “He told me he could never love me the way I deserved to be loved. And that I should move on. Forget about him. So, I did.” She’s full out crying now.
“Tash.” I put an arm around her. Tasha was ten when we first met her. She was this scared little girl being bullied by her older brother and his friends. They were throwing rocks at her. And Sean, being Sean, just had to step in. He’s never had a problem starting a fight or ending one. And that day, he ended one. Violently.
Tasha’s brother never bullied her again. Or anyone else for that matter.
Tasha wipes her face with the back of her hand. “I went to school and met a guy. I built a really great life. And I think he’s resented me for it ever since.”
“That sounds like Sean.” I hold Tasha tighter. “I’m really sorry.”
“Me too.” She takes a deep breath and tries to pull herself together. “He really needs you, Ryan.”
I really need him, too.
I think it, but I don’t dare say it.
“I have to get back to work.” Tasha steps back.
“Thanks for calling me,” I tell her.
“Yeah. Anytime. Take care of him.”
I inwardly sigh. It’s my burden in life.
“Hey, Tash?”
“Yeah?” She turns in the doorway and regards me with her big, black molten eyes.
“Do you know what you’re having?” I don’t know what prompted the question. Curiosity, I guess.
She smiles. “A little girl. I’m naming her Shawna.”
I gape at her.
“It was really good to see you, Ryan. Take care,” she says quickly before hurrying out the door.
I glare down at Sean.Please tell me you didn’t, you stupid fucking idiot.