“This situation just gets better and better.”My uncle looks at me in disbelief. “Okay, this is what we’re goingto do,” he says like the bad ass lawyer that he is. “First, I’mgoing to go find out when Ryan’s arraignment is, and then get him alawyer. Shelly, she practices in New York and New Jersey, and she’sone of the best criminal attorneys on my payroll. Then, Ryan has tofind Sean.” He stipulates, “He can’t take the fall for himagain.”
No disagreement there.
“I’m going to put in a call to JudgeReynolds, he’s a personal friend and owes me big for keeping hisson out of jail. If, worst case scenario, you can’t find Sean, I’llat least make sure Ryan doesn’t go in front of your father again.Hopefully we can work a deal with the prosecutor. It’s going to betough though, this is his second offense. From what you told me onthe phone, with the amount of heroin they found, he’ll be chargedwith not only possession but also intent to distribute. That’stwenty years, Alana.”
“I know Uncle John,” my heart constricts atthe thought.
“Honey,” my uncle takes my hand, “this mightget messy. I know Ryan is a nice guy and you love him, but are yousure he’s worth jeopardizing your entire future for?”
Anger strikes me like whiplash and I have tokeep myself from snapping at my uncle, because I know he’s justtrying to look out for me. Ryan has already been through hell once;I’m not going to desert him if he ends up back there a secondtime.
“Yes,” I answer as composed as possible.Doing what I always do, internalizing my true feelings.
“Okay then, it’s time to come outswinging.”
It’s what he always says when he has a toughcase ahead of him. Except this time, it’s not a court case he’sreferring to.
It’s life.
Sean has been MIAever since Ryan’s arrested.
It's 2 AM, Ryan’s court date is tomorrow andI can’t sleep. We’re staying in the guest room of my aunt anduncle’s house. It was easier than coming in early from the city,since Ryan’s court appearance is at 8.
The tension between us has been as thick asexhaust fumes in a tiny condominium garage. And tomorrow everythingis going to change. Somehow, my uncle jimmy rigged Ryan’s case toend up on Judge Reynolds’ docket. Not like that’s illegal oranything; Shelly was able to work a deal with the prosecutor to getRyan into drug court, which is like an intense probation. He’llhave to move back to New Jersey and in with his mother. God helpme. He’ll be heavily monitored, frequently drug tested and mandatedto attend a substance abuse program. He may not be a drug addict,but they’re sure as hell going to treat him like one.
The silver lining; he won’t be in jail.
I don’t know what the next three months aregoing to be like for us. I start my last semester of law school ina few weeks and I need to concentrate heavily on that, but I alsoknow the distance is going to kill me.
Ryan starts whimpering in his sleep again.He’s been having nightmares ever since he was arrested. He avoidsthe subject when I try to talk to him about it, but it doesn’t takea genius to know what he’s dreaming about. Prison. It’s hisemotional response to the fear of the future and stress of thepast.
Ryan suddenly shoots up out of a dead sleep;he’s panting, sweating and swearing all at the same time.
“Hey,” I say soothingly, rubbing his back,“it’s okay.”
Ryan drops his head back, his bare chestexpanding and contracting, but he doesn’t speak. So I ask thedumbest question imaginable, “Are you okay?”
“Fine,” his response is terse as he lies backdown.
“You know you can talk to me Ryan. If you’rescared, tell me.”
I’m so sick of him pushing me away.
“I’m not scared, Alana. I’m pissed off.” Herolls over.
“Is that why you’ve been so distant?”
He blows out a hot breath, reluctant to talk,“Yes, but I don’t want to be.”
“Then don’t be.”
“I don’t know how else to be right now. Idon’t want to end up taking my anger out on you. It was enough yousaw me go after Sean.”
“He got what he deserved, I sort of wish youhospitalized him,” I mumble.
We wouldn’t be in this mess if youhad.
“Alana don’t say that,” Ryan snaps at me.“He’s my brother and he’s sick.”