“Minuscule,” I laugh. “So where is shenow?”
“Paris, I think.” He cocks an eyebrow, “She’san international stewardess and usually gone. I don’t think she’sdue back until Saturday.”
“I see,” I meander around the apartmentlooking at the photos on the wall and knick-knacks here and there.I can’t seem to stand still, I feel like a caged lab rat. “What’sdown there?”
Ryan looks at the hallway, “The bathroom andthe bedrooms.”
I turn around and walk in the oppositedirection. So not ready for the bedroom, thank you.
“Alana, are you okay?” Ryan asks, noticinghow fidgety I am.
“Fine,” I take a sip of wine and saunter backover to the window.
He watches my every move. Once I’m standingnext to him again he shuffles over so our bodies are touching.
“I love the way that feels,” he says lookingat the sunset reflecting off the skyscrapers.
“What’s that?”
“You, standing next to me. Like, really beingnext to me. I missed that feeling.”
“I did too,” I confess.
“What do you want Alana?” Ryan asks me.
“With what?”
“With me,” he turns to face me, then pulls astrand of my hair slowly through his fingertips.
“I want to take it slow and get to know youagain.”
He smiles, the sunset shining through thewindow is lighting up his eyes.
“Good,” he leans down and kisses me and mywhole body ignites. At first it’s just a soft, sweet kiss, but it’sapparent that both of us want it to be more, because before eitherof us know it, our arms are snaked around each other, our bodiespressed tightly together, our mouths open and hungry. Ryan walks meover to the couch, our kiss never breaking. I think I mightsuffocate if it did, because right now he’s the air. We fall backonto the white cushions, Ryan shifts himself on top of me and Ilove the feel of his body crushing mine. Things start moving fast,and soon shoes and socks and shirts and pants are scattered allover the floor. So much for taking it slow. Ryan starts kissingdown my neck, then over my chest and down my torso. My heart startspounding in my ears as he teases me right above my underwear line,licking and sucking and caressing. Then I freeze when he goes toslide them off.
“No, Ryan, stop.” I suddenly feel like I’mstanding on a cliff above the Grand Canyon.
“What’s wrong?” He picks his head up, “Toofast?”
“No. Shit, yes.” I push myself up and scootout from underneath him. I’m suddenly bombarded with images of Ryanwith multiple women; touching him, caressing him, kissing him.Ugh.Insecurity drowning me.
I’ve only ever been with him, once, and oneguy from college that ended in total disaster. I have no fuckingidea what I’m doing or what to expect and my intimacy issues areflashing red in my face.
“Ryan, I-” I rub my head, “I don’t reallyknow what I’m doing, and the last time we did this you disappeared.I’m kind of fucked up in the trust department when it comes to sexand men.”
“Fuck, Alana.” He pulls me into his chest,“I’m not going anywhere and we don’t have to do anything if you’renot ready.”
That’s my dilemma, my body is ready andwilling, it’s my head that needs to catch up. I feel incrediblystupid. Here, the love of my life has been throwing himself at methe last few days and I shut him down the first chance I get. Hetold me he loved me not three hours ago, so why can’t I let himin?
“Do you have to go home tonight?” Ryan asksas he smoothes my hair with his hand.
“No, why?” I look up at him.
He shifts and then stands up, pulling me withhim. He leads me out of the living room and down the hallwaytowards the bedrooms.
“What are you doing?” I pull at his hand.
“Taking you to bed,” he says as he opens adoor to the right.