“I’d rather not talk about your occupation,”I retort.
“Do you want anything?”
“Yes, another cup of coffee,”and aQuaalude,“please.”
“Still black?” he asks.
I nod, surprised.
“I told you, I remember everything,” hesmiles, then saunters to the counter.
I can’t help but stare at him. His tall, leanbody dressed in a pair of dark washed jeans and a clingy grayt-shirt. His sandy brown hair long and wavy on top and short on thesides. He dominates casual-sexy.
Ryan places my coffee in front of me, andthen takes a big swig of his own before he sits back down. If Ididn’t know any better I’d think he did that on purpose just togive me a show.
“You look different,” he says as he slipsinto the chair.
“In a bad way?” I shift in my seat, crossingpaths with a sunbeam shining down through the window.
“No, in an unbelievable way,” he slides hishand across the table and laces his fingers with mine. I reallydon’t know how to interpret this behavior. We’ve been separated forso long, yet he has no issues with PDA. Like we’ve never even beenapart.
“Ryan,” I pull my hand away from his, “I camehere for an explanation, so can you cut the crap and just tell mewhat happened so I can move on.”
He straightens in his seat, a worriedexpression on his face, “Is that what you want, to move on?”
I stay silent, stoic, because I don’t knowwhat I want.
“Okay,” he concedes, “But before I explain Ineed to tell you something first, because I don’t know what yourreaction will be and I need you to know how I feel. I can’t let youwalk away without you knowing how I feel.”
My mouth pops open a little.
“Alana, I never lied to you about anything,when I told you I loved you I meant it and I still mean it. I stillwant us to be together, and this time I’m in it for life.”
Life?
“Losing you was the hardest thing I ever hadto endure. And now that you’re here, in front of me, I’m not goingto let you go again,” he runs his hand through his hair uneasily.“Unless-”
“Unless, what?”
“Unless there’s someone else,” he taps hisfoot under the table, his whole body shaking. “Someone youlove.”
I laugh aloud, “Someone I love? You’rehilarious.”
His blue eyes widen, “Why is thathilarious?”
I shake my head at him as the anger doesrevolutions in my chest. “Ryan, there isn’t anyone else. Becauseyou ruined me for anyone else.”
His jaw drops, “Oh God, Alana, I’msorry.”
“Sorry?” I respond lividly, “Ryan, Igave you my heart, my soul, not to mention my virginity and thevery next day you disappeared without a trace. And now five yearslater you have the audacity to tell me you still love me and thatyou’resorry.Do you think that’s going to magically fix it?Fix me?” I crack my knuckles restlessly, “I can’t get close toanyone, because I don’t trust anyone.Especially you.”
Ryan rubs his palms against his temples as ifthis conversation is agonizing.
Well I can tell you, it’s certainlyunbearable for me. “So, no. There’s no one else,” I say irate.
He slides his forearms across the tableagain, a pained expression on his beautiful face, “Alana, I don’tknow what else to say. I never meant to hurt you. You have tobelieve that what happened, it was out of my control.” He goes tograb my hand again, but I pull away.
Ryan looks down, “Alana, please.”