She replies almost instantly:See ya soon, bitch :)
I want to laugh, but it’s like there’s a chain fence around my torso. Every time I breathe, it digs into my flesh, into my ribs, sending pain throughout my body.
My palms are sweating, and I’m relieved as I pull into Sarah’s driveway and step out.
My mind is spinning. Call Gareth, talk to Sarah? Call Gareth, talk to Sarah?
I almost feel like I’m betraying him by going to her first, but what am I even supposed to tell him? That Felch just accused him of being an abuser? It will sound likeI’maccusing him too.
No. I just need to talk to my best-friend about this. She’s good with these things. She knows men. She’ll have some advice for me.
I don’t even knock. I just barge right into her apartment, dimly lit with candles and that obnoxious spinning light she keeps in the living room. I rush right over to it and unplug it, causing her to look up at me from the couch.
“Whoa, what’s got your panties in a bunch?”
I almost don’t even want to tell her what just happened. She’s been warning me about Gareth since the beginning. Now it’s just going to seem like she knew best the whole time.
But what can I do? I have no one else to go to. Mom would just give me some lame, butchered Bible quote that doesn’t even apply, and then go back to Ross or whatever new man she’s decided to hang out with.
“Hey,” she presses, standing up. “What is it, girl? You look like you’re about to cry.”
She’s right. I didn’t even notice, but tears are welling up in my eyes. My cheeks are starting to sting. Closing my eyes, I givein and spill the beans. The firing, the parking lot, what Felch said. She doesn’t interrupt, and by the end of it, her eyes are narrow and she’s standing still. “That motherfucker.”
I’ve had to take care of myself for most of my life, and I usually am able to figure out what to do. But right now I feel helpless. Even with Sarah by my side.
“Just say it,” I tell her.
“Say what?”
“I told you so.”
She doesn’t even smile. She just shakes her head. “No, I’m not going to say that. I get where you’re coming from, Briar. It sucks.”
“Yeah, it does,” I sigh, slumping down on the couch, wiping my eyes on my shirt. “So what do I do? Go and ask him about it?”
She sucks her lip and tilts her head, looking skeptical. “Well, if you ask him, one of two things happens. He tells you the truth, and Felch was lying, and he’s slightly upset that you doubted him for ten minutes.Orhe lies, but you don’t know what his lying face is because you’ve never seen it before.”
“Oh God…”
“Either way, go look at the file first. Then you’ll know if he’s an abuser.”
Just hearing those words from her mouth is like a dagger to my heart.
An abuser…
I can’t even picture it. Sure, Gareth ‘abused’ his police power to get with me, but I know that if I had made it clear to him that I wanted to leave, he would have let me go.
But I wanted it. And he saw that. And he gave me things…brought me places I never knew existed.
“I just…don’t believe it,” I finally whisper. Sarah leans in, placing a caring hand on my shoulder.
“I know. But we have to be honest here. You’ve known the guy for what? Less than a week? What do youreallyknow about him?”
“Yeah,” I admit, the pain in my heart spreading. “You’re right.”
“Maybe go and look at what this Felch guy has to show you before you make your next move.”
I dig my teeth into my lip until it hurts, trying to distract myself from my internal pain. The pain of feeling my life crumble beneath my feet.