Bri barks a laugh I saw coming a mile away, smile wide behind her wine glass. She’s not as inconspicuous as she thinks she is. Her amused eyes meet mine as I tip back my bottle. I just arch a brow likeyeah, I see you.
Dinner rolls along as the sun sets. Mom and Bri collapse onto the couch while I take care of the dishes, the two of them giggling over some Christmas movie they’ve found on the television.
I imagine Hannah laughing around her table with the guys, Kristen showing up in her pajamas after everyone’s left to share a pie straight from the dish with her best friend.
I imagine Hannah curled up in one of the rocking chairs on Nana and Pops’ dock, looking up at the stars. An uncomfortable surge of adrenaline rushes through me when I recognize the snapshot doesn’t include me.
The life I want for myself isn’t a secret. Pretty sure I wear it on mysleeve like a tattoo. But things outside of my control have kept me from taking hold of it. No time like the present to swallow my pride and ask for help.
We waveBri off early the next morning as she heads for the airport since she’s due back in Dallas for a shift tomorrow. Mom and I opt to stay one more night before returning to Charlotte.
After getting the holiday recap from Hannah over the phone, complete with a picture of the tiny Christmas tree she set up at the cabin that made my chest physically ache, I find Mom out on the deck, scrolling on her laptop.
She closes the screen on my approach and sets it aside. “Hey, sweetheart. How’s Hannah?”
“She’s good.” I drag a chair over. “Can we talk?”
“Of course.”
My shoulders rise and fall, gaze searching the water for a few beats before I look at Mom. “I wanna go back to Colorado.” A swallow. “Permanently.”
Her lips twitch, soft eyes locked on mine.
“I need to be with Hannah, Mom. She’s…itfor me. But I don’t wanna live two time zones away from you. So I was wondering if you’d come with me.” I take a deep breath and wait. She doesn’t answer. “I was thinking we could sell the house and use the money to build you a place on the lake. Whatever you want, I’ll build it for you, just…” I pinch my eyes, choose my words differently. “I’maskingyou to come with me.”
Her hand comes to rest on my cheek.
“Please, Mom.”
She stares at me for too long and I think she might refuse—tell me the same thing she’s always told me, that she’s not ready to leave. My heart pounds in the silence as I wait for her to say something.
Without warning, and with a paradoxical look of affection on her face, her palm makes sharp contact with my jaw—it doesn’t hurt, but it’s definitely enough to make meflinch.
I jolt back. “What was that for?”
“For ruining the surprise.” At my bewildered look, she collects her laptop and opens the screen. “I’ve been doing some research the last few days.”
Mom clicks through tab after tab on her internet browser. Realtor listings, local neighborhood price comps, moving company directories, house listings in Boulder. I close the last tab without a word and she chuckles.
“I realized something when I was back there for Norm’s funeral.” She closes the laptop, tone sobering. “I’ve waited for something here that might not ever come. At fifteen years, I think it’s time to call it.”
Doug.She’s been waiting for Doug.
I grab her hand as she goes on. “A part of me will always hope he gets well and comes back, but I can’t sit around and wait anymore.” She releases a long breath. “If he wants to find me, he has my number.”
We all want to see my stepdad return, but I think Mom most of all.
I intertwine our fingers, my hope bound together with hers. “I hope he comes back too.”
Her expression is tight as she squeezes our palms together, then opens her screen again. “Now, let’s figure out how quickly we can get you back to your girl.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Thank you for asking.”
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bigger than us