And tonight. I tell her what it felt like to spot Daniel across the street and how I drove to the police station and filed the report.
Tears fall quietly as I talk, my eyes bouncing over Mom’s sleeping face. “Thank you for always recognizing when I’m not okay. I’m sorry I ever pretended like I was. You should know…Rowan recognizes too. He really does see me, Mom.”
I tell her how hard it was to say goodbye to him. That the ache in my chest from missing him hurts differently than anything I’ve ever felt before.
“I’m in love with him. Like the crazy, can’t-think-straight, head-over-heels kind. It’s the best and scariest feeling, and I have no idea when or how things are gonna work out between us but…I’m okay not knowing right now.” I squeeze her hand. “I mean it this time, Mom. I’m gonna be okay because you’re strong and brave and good and...” My voice trails off and I sniff back more tears. “And in all the ways that matter, I’m just like you.”
Her fingers pulse between mine and my breath catches. I look down at where our hands are linked and her thumb twitches again. My gaze shoots to her face. Hope stretches taut in my chest when I see her eyelids flutter.One more time, please.
Long seconds later, her eyes finally drift open the slightest bit.
“Hi, Mom.”
Her lids look like they weigh a thousand pounds. She attempts to speak, but all that comes out is a painful rattle from deep in her throat.
“Sshhh, don’t try to talk,” I plead.
She squeezes my hand with the tiny bit of strength she has.
I open my palm and position her index finger in the center. “Here, can you write it?”
Her finger taps once and begins to move. It’s shaky and slow but I manage to make out the message. With tears in my eyes, I look up and meet her weary gaze. “I love you too.”
Only a moment passes before she sinks back into unconsciousness. Something deep inside me shifts, a bond snapping like a branch that’s been severed from the vine.
This is it. I feel it down to the marrow. The very makeup of who I am has altered course. Inevitable and irreversible.
Mom doesn’t open her eyes again.
An hour later, one hand in mine and the other in Richard’s, my mom—my soulmate—was gone.
58
the other half of my heart
Rowan
“Again, Tess. You’re doing great.”The physical therapist guides Mom through a neutral spine squat. Her cheeks pull into a grimace as she reaches for the box in front of her and pushes back to standing. “Good,” he says. “Three more just like that.”
I glance down at my texts. Hannah hasn’t replied to the message I sent this morning. Before I send a follow-up, I think better of it. Her plate is full and there’s a two hour time difference, I remind myself. She’ll respond when she can.
The empty chair buzzes beside me. I lunge for my phone like I haven’t spoken to her in months. Disappointment courses through me when I see an unknown number flash across the display. But I recognize the Boulder area code.
“Hello?”
“Yes, is this Rowan Shaw?” The voice on the other end is strong, authoritative.
“Speaking.”
“Mr. Shaw, this is Officer Keith Montgomery with the Boulder Police Department.” I sit up taller. “You were listed as a witness to a sexual assault claim by a Ms. Hannah James.”
My heart thunders in my chest. I jump to my feet and duck out the front door to the sidewalk. “Yes, sir.”
“If now’s a good time, would you mind telling me everything you saw on the night in question.”
I blink up at the sky, pride overwhelming me from the inside out.My girl did it. She fucking did it.
“Yes, sir, absolutely.” A sigh of relief escapes me. “Sorry, um…I just…I wasn’t sure if she was ever gonna—” I cut myself off, pinch the bridge of my nose. “It’s really good to hear from you is all.”