A pause, my mind settling as my eyelids grow heavy. “I’m glad I got to meet them.”
“Me too.”
I rest a hand on his sternum, finger idly circling the dog tags tattooed there. Despite the darkness, I know every piece of art, every scar etched into his flesh. I know the anchor on his shoulder, the bullet wound on the other. The knife wound on his forearm, and his mom’s handwriting inked over his heart, the Ranger unit crest on his left bicep. And the tapestry of florals tattooed down the length of his arms. Peonies his nana used to grow at their Boulder house and the wildflower patch he helped her plant at the lake house one summer. The bouquet of hydrangeas his mom carried when she married his dad. Multiple roses, one for every brother he’s lost in the service.
His whole world—the good, the bad, the heart breaking, the most beautiful parts of it—right there on the surface of his skin. And I know it all by heart.
The words leak out before I can stop them. “Do you think this was a mistake?”
“Do I thinkwhatwas a mistake?”
I dip my chin so I don’t have to look at him. It hurts too much. “This.” I clutch the chain around his neck. “Getting so…invested.”Me, falling in love with you.“What if we get to the end and regret not keeping it casual?” My breath catches on the last word.Casualwas never an option with us.
“I already told you I don’t do casual.” He tilts my head to meet his gaze, dark eyes glinting in the shadows. “And the only regret I’m gonna have at the end of this is that I couldn’t figure out a way to stay.”
The words are so close. But I can’t say them out loud knowing he won’t be here in four days. A love confession cloaked in an omen whenI love youshould be nothing less than a vow, makes the words seem impossible.
“Promise me something,” I say.
“Anything.”
“If you’re feeling a—a certain way…about me, don’t say it, okay? I don’t think…um…I just think it’d be easier if we didn’t say it.”
Maybe I shouldn’t assume those words are on his radar at all. Maybe the request was a reminder for myself more than anything else. Or maybe, the way he tugs me closer, his lips pressing a firm, lingering kiss to my forehead, means exactly what I think it means.
He releases a heavy exhale before whispering a reluctant, “Okay.”
44
a final good night
Rowan
The air is mild,the sky boasts large clouds shielding the sun, and the lake is still as glass on the afternoon of Pops’ memorial. A day that couldn’t be more Norman Shaw coded if it tried.
“Here, let me fix it,” Dubs offers.
His dress shoes clack on the wood floor as he crosses the bedroom. Take it upon my best friend to drive my family across the country and also think to bring my Army dress uniform to have for the funeral.
Wordlessly, he coerces the black tie tucked behind the midnight blue lapeled jacket into alignment. Gold buttons secure the coat into polished presentation. A collection of medals signifying achievements in combat, specialized training, and other accomplishments of merit adorn the chest panels and sleeves.
“Thanks,” I say as he steps back to assess his work.
“Sure thing.”
“Not just for the tie. Thanks for being here and for bringing Mom and Bridget. It means a lot to me.”
“Of course, man. I’ll always be there for you. You, the rest of the guys, we’re brothers.”
Family. Brotherhood.I’ll miss that part most of all.
I return the favor in silence when he puts on his matching blazer.Once our tan berets are in place, we join Mom and Bri in the kitchen where they’re assembling the hors d’oeuvres.
Mom gives me a once over and opens her arms from her seat at the table. “You look handsome, sweetheart.”
I bend down to hug her. “Thanks, Mom. I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.”