“Pussy.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, sure. I bet you’d just laugh about getting shot and be at the gym the next morning, working through the pain.”
Nik laughed loudly, and I realized it had been a while since we had a conversation about anything other than the trial or mafia business. It was normal these days, with all the trouble the Italians were causing for us, but it could get exhausting.
“Tell me something,” he said, his eyes on the road. “What the deal with Sarah?”
“The deal?”
“You must have known her before she showed up in the courtroom as a witness, but I know you. You’veneverdated anyone seriously. So, who is she to you?”
“She’s mine,” I said without needing to think about it. The response was automatic and natural. It was simple and profound at the same time.
“Yours? What does that mean?”
“I’m still wrapping my head around that, but I think it means I’ve found the woman I want to be with. A real relationship.”
Nik made a noise that might have been a scoff of disbelief. “I never thought I’d see the day. You’ve never seemed interested in being with someone seriously.”
I shrugged. “I figured I’d end up in a marriage of convenience someday, just like my parents had. I was fine with that because no woman has ever made me want more. You knowme, I’ve always slept with whoever I want and then forgotten them the next day.”
“That’s why I’m surprised that you seem so serious about this woman so soon.”
“We met four years ago. It was only one night, but I’ve never forgotten it. She’s special, man. Like she’s meant to be mine.”
Nik frowned. “Four years ago?”
“Yeah.”
There was a moment of silence, and I could see that Nikolay was thinking hard about something. I gave him a moment, but my patience was thin after sitting in court all day.
“What is it?” I asked.
“I’m just trying to remember how old Alexis is.”
“She’s three.”
As those words left me, realization stuck like lightning. I couldn’t explain why it had never occurred to me before. I’d never eventhoughtabout having kids. Unlike my father, I didn’t necessarily look at it as my duty. My brother or cousin could eventually have children and one of them could take my place as Pakhan someday. Besides, after the shit I went through growing up and the weight of responsibility that had weighed me down as Pakhan for the past four years, I wasn’t sure I wanted my child to feel obligated to run the Bratva, tradition or not.
All of that aside, I just didn’t see myself having a family. I’d never even considered settling down with a woman before, so how could I have expected to be a father?
But the timeline worked. Alexis could be my daughter.
My God, is it true?
I’d felt an unexpected connection to her from the start. I thought it was just because I was so drawn to Sarah, and it made Alexis to special to me as well. But what if there was a deeper reason that the little girl had been able to wiggle her way into my heart so quickly? A biological reason?
My mind was reeling at the idea of Alexis being mine, and the emotional onslaught I felt was overwhelming. To my own surprise, I was thrilled. It didn’t matter that I never particularly wanted to be a father or that I had no idea how the hell to be one. The idea of being a dad to Alexis felt like a purpose I didn’t know I was looking for.
But beneath the joy, anger brewed.
Alexis was three years old. If she was mine, then I’d missed her birth, the beginning of her life. And despite staying in my home for a week, Sarah hadn’t told me the truth. I’d been cheated out of something so damn precious.
Assuming that what I suspected was the truth, of course.
Nikolay said nothing else about this as we continued the drive to my home, and I figured he was giving me the time and space I needed to process it. I spent the whole evening doing that. When Sarah came home from work, having picked Alexis up from her mother’s house, I tried to act normally, but I couldn’t stop staring at her daughter.
My daughter.
Now that I was looking for similarities between us, I was sure it was true. The features we shared. The way I felt like she belonged to me. It all had to mean that I was her father.
Sarah noticed that I was quieter than usual, but she didn’t ask me what was going on in my mind. I figured she was waitingfor Alexis to go to bed first, just in case I was distracted by something not suitable for her little ears.
But I wasn’t going to wait for her to ask me anything. I had a question of my own. I’d asked her about Alexis’s father the other night and she had been vague. Just saying that he wasn’t in the picture. But now I needed answers.
I waited downstairs while she put Alexis to bed in the guest bedroom. It never took long, and Sarah was back in the living room in ten minutes. I’d poured myself a drink while waiting for her, but I hadn’t even taken a sip of it. I just held the glass between my hands while I sat on the couch with my elbows on my knees and my emotions still waring.
Sarah’s light footsteps on the stairs drew my attention, and I stood as she stepped into the room. She paused, and I wondered what she saw in my face as she tilted her head to the side and furrowed her brow.
“I need to know the truth right now,” I said in a rough voice. “Is Alexis my daughter?”