I’ve been thinking
About Hal, I mean
On top of all my other contemplations
Or maybe it’s not on top, maybe it’s part of everything else
Typing dots sat on Anne’s screen, and she waited, curious. Sadie might’ve despaired of Hal’s career choice, but in all other respects, he was her golden boy, her perfect baby, her beloved confidant. They were inseparable.
The thing is, after Fred left and before I met you, Hal was my primary emotional support
Of course I also had Rabbi Aviva, and the girls in my yoga class
And Manny
And Hat Dan, too, although he thinks home-rolled tobacco solves every problem
Oh, and Lisa, she manages the Calabasas Trader Joe’s, she’s the sweetest little thing
Sadie.
Yes, yes, I know, I’m getting refocused
What I’m trying to tell you is that I leaned on Hal that year
Too often and too heavily, I think
I made him hold too much of my grief
I made him responsible for keeping me together
Oh. Well, Anne supposed she could see some truth in that. She hadn’t had a front row seat to Sadie’s post-divorce period, or to the way she’d relied on Hal for support, but the aftermath of it was still visible. What had Talisha said to Hal in front of Anne the other day?Remember, your mom’s a fully capable adult. She can take care of herself.The kind of comment that was built like an iceberg: a small peak jutting out into a single reminder, hiding the huge underwater mass of a years-long conflict.
You didn’t tell Hal he was responsible for you, did you?
It wasn’t your intent to make him feel that way.
No, but we’re not living in the aftermath of what I intended
It’s what I did that matters
He was almost frantic when I showed up at his place on Monday
Jumping wildly from possible problem to possible solution
And he’s sent me about a dozen anxious texts since then
If I made him responsible for me
Then I need to be responsible for what I’ve done to him
Hal was an adult when Fred left, Sadie.
He has some agency here. Don’t put all of that on your shoulders.
Agree to disagree, dollface
It’s long past time I put some weight back on my shoulders