“Seems like we were both keeping secrets,” he said with a weak smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I didn’t want you to worry.” He pulled away and met my gaze. “I didn’t want you to even think about something like that. To put it in your head.”
“But you’re my brother…and—and I love you. Worrying is just a part of loving someone.”
Shea let out a long breath. “I just feel like I’ve let you down over and over again, and I thought bringing you here would help us move past everything. That we could be close again, like we used to be. That maybe all those years we were apart wouldn’t matter, or I could make up for all that lost time somehow. I’ve missed you for so, so long, and?—”
I threw my arms around him and hugged him hard. “We can be close again. I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere, okay? I love you, Shea.”
Shea held me to him and rasped, “I love you so much, Beau bear. So much.”
I hadn’t heard that nickname in such a long, long time. My breath hitched and I squeezed him tighter.
We were quiet for a long moment, just holding each other, and even though my heart was in pieces at his gut-wrenching admission, I knew I could put those pieces back together. He was okay. He was right here. But…
“Do you still feel like you want to do that?” I asked a little hesitantly.
Shea drew away and clutched at my upper arms. “No,” he said emphatically. “I haven’t had those kinds of thoughts since I left Kansas. Lea and all the guys know what I was going through. They really helped me a lot back then. I really can’t imagine my life without them, honestly. But you don’t have to worry, I’m okay now.”
I sighed, tension releasing from my body. “Good. That’s good. I?—”
“Hey, why is all your stuff in here? When the hell did you move into Lea’s room?” he grumbled, his eyes fastened to my computer monitors.
“Um…I’m not really sure, honestly. A while ago.”
“Jesus. What the fuck happened while I was gone?”
And my overprotective brother was back.
I was feeling a little overprotective myself—but of Lea. “I fell in love with Lea, that’s what happened.”
His eyes were hard on mine, his jaw clenched, and then he cursed and rubbed his hands over his face. “Tell me he didn’t start this. That he didn’t come on to you first. Lea doesn’t believe in love, Beau. Well, he hasn’t for a long time.”
Offended on Lea’s behalf, I snapped, “That isn’t true at all, you jerk. And what would it matter if he did make the first move? Which he didn’t, by the way.Idid. We’re both adults, Shea. We make our own damn choices, and I’m sorry if you don’t like them, but you’re just gonna have to deal with it. I love him and I won’teverlet you treat him like you did just now again. Ever. Do you understand me?”
Shea’s eyebrows were raised high as he stared at me in disbelief. “Holy shit,” he huffed, a small smile on his lips. “You really do love him.”
“Yeah, I do, so go apologize to him. He didn’t deserve that. I love you, but god, I’m mad at how you handled that.”
Shea had the decency to look ashamed. “You have to understand, I’ve known Lea for over twelve years and he doesn’t—” He shook his head. “Fuck. He really loves you?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yeah. He’s really special, Shea.”
Shea sighed. “I know he is.” He stood up and held his hand out to me. “I guess I’ve got no choice but to be happy for you guys. But it’s fucking weird.” He mumbled the last part to himself.
I let him pull me up and said, “No, you don’t have a choice. Please go apologize.”
He reached out and ruffled my hair, and I batted his hand away, making him laugh.
I was glad to hear him laugh.
Before he could open the door, I stopped him with a hand on his forearm. “Hold on, are you okay? All of this notwithstanding. You look tired. And a little sad. Did something happen?”
Shea paused, then glanced away. “No, I’m just…it was a long trip and I’m glad to be back. The bed on the boat wasn’t very comfortable.”
“How did it go?”
He shook his head. “It was fine.” He pulled his arm from my grip and walking out the door.
What the fuck happened while he was gonewas right, because it was clear thatsomethinghad happened.