I lay down on the bed and fell asleep before I could even form a full thought.
When I woke up, the shadows on the walls had shifted and the heat had fully taken over the entire room.
Soft murmurs drifted from down the hall, interspersed with the occasional laugh—and then every single moment from today rushed back in a blur of embarrassment.
I couldn’t do this. Living with Lea was going to be…it was too much. I couldn’t handle that. I certainly wouldn’t be able to handle it if he walked around like that all the time. He was…he was solovely. And even if he was fully dressed, all I’d be picturing was how he’d looked in those black lace panties.
That image had been irrevocably seared into my mind.
With a frustrated sigh, I got up from the bed and unloaded everything from my computer bag. Thankfully the desk was big enough to hold three monitors, but I was probably going to have to get a new chair. The one in here now looked like it had come from the table in the living room, and that wasn’t going to be comfortable to sit in for long periods of time.
Once everything was all hooked up, I powered on the computer and waited. A little analog clock on the nightstand saidit was almost five in the evening, and I was feeling every single hour of the day.
From the moment Mom’s funeral had ended, life had been a whirlwind of packing, arranging to sell the house, getting all her things sent off as donations or taking them to the dump, and trying to accept my new reality where she didn’t exist.
I always thought that once she was gone, a kind of peace would settle over me, but I just felt…indifferent.
When I was younger, I’d thought her hateful words and unkind remarks would stick with me forever, but when she started to lose herself bit by bit, I realized that she was only human and I felt sorry for her. Those awful words she hurled at me—and Shea, when he’d been here—began to fade with time, and in their place grew a staunch determination to harden my outer shell and let nothing but love in.
I was ready for my new life. In spite of my fears, I was ready for a happier chapter where I didn’t have a mom I’d feared would abandon me—shun my existence like she’d shunned Shea.
So…I wasn’t sorry she was gone. Not at all. Which made me feel like a horrible person, but I couldn’t pretend the feelings existed when they just weren’t there.
Two quick raps on the door startled me from my thoughts, and then Shea’s muffled voice came through. “Beau? Can I come in?”
I cleared my throat and called out, “Yeah.”
Shea stepped into the room. I always wondered if I was adopted, because we didn’t look very much alike at all. Shea was taller and broader than me, with green eyes, light brown hair, and a wide smile that was bracketed by two dimples.
I, on the other hand, was shorter, thinner, with dark brown hair, brown eyes, and freckles all over every inch of my body.When I looked in the mirror, I just saw a plain, nondescript human being with an explosion of unattractive freckles. Add my extremely timid nature to that and, well…it was no wonder that no one had ever shown a sliver of romantic interest in me in all my twenty-five years.
“Hey,” he said, offering me an uncertain smile. His eyes bounced around the room, then settled back on mine. “Looks good in here. You like it?”
I nodded. “Yeah. It’s nice.” I gestured toward the window. “And I can see the ocean. I like that.”
His smile grew, and he stepped closer. “You wanna go down to the beach sometime? I’m working all week, but maybe after that?”
I smiled back at him. “Yeah. I’d really like that.”
“Cool.” He noticed my computer monitors and his eyebrows lifted. “What the hell is all that for?”
I glanced at my setup. “For work. Sometimes games. Just helps me stay organized and get a lot more done.”
“If you say so. Jesus. I barely know how to get on the internet.”
I laughed at that. “Yeah, well, if you ever need help with anything computer-related, I’m here now.”
His expression softened into something that seemed like fondness. “Yeah, you are.” He stepped toward the door and asked, “Do you want to meet Lea properly? He’s got clothes on now.”
My entire body flooded with heat. I swallowed and licked my lips. “Um, o-okay, sure.”
Oh, crap. I had to return Lea’s shirt! I’d completely forgotten about it, had taken it off and stuffed it blindly into one of my bags so Shea wouldn’t see it again. I had to give it back. But how was I supposed to do that with Shea here? I didn’t want him to know about what happened earlier. I needed to wash it first, too.
“Okay, well, come out to the living room whenever you’re ready. We’re just hanging out.”
I wouldn’t ever be ready. But I couldn’t avoid Lea forever, and it would be easier to interact with him if Shea was there. My hope was that after a proper introduction, maybe some light conversation, I could sneak back to my room and just play a game or talk to my friends to destress.
I followed my brother to the living room and tried not to think about soft black lace and sultry blue eyes.