Two honks yanked me from my thoughts, and I looked up to see Shea pulling into the spot next to mine.
Oh, god.
I got out of my car as he parked, and I’d taken three steps when he ran around the hood of his friend’s Jeep and launched himself at me.
He wrapped his arms around me, lifting me off the ground. “Hey, Beau bear.” He dropped me to my feet, setting his hands on my shoulders as he took a step back to look at me. “Glad you made it.” He shook his head, grinning broadly. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
I could hardly believe it, either. Today felt completely surreal.
Everything was changing, and I had no energy left to decide whether that was a good thing or not.
I wanted it to be good.
I stared back at the person I loved most in the world—and the only one who’d ever loved me.
Shea.
My big brother.
Once my only protector.
Until he’d left.
I shoved those thoughts aside and tried to smile at him.
“I’m so, so sorry I couldn’t make it to the airport,” he said softly, squeezing my shoulders. “I should’ve?—”
I shook my head and placed one of my hands over his. “It’s fine. Really.”
He’d made it to the funeral and helped me deal with everything during my final week in Kansas. He’d done more than enough.
More than I’d expected, honestly.
Ever since he’d moved out of our house and all the way to the East Coast twelve years ago, we’d mostly spoken over the phone or video chat. Mom’s funeral was the first time I’d seen him in person in five years. Before that, the last time he’d visited was a few years after Mom’s diagnosis, when I was around twenty, but he’d refused to see her. He only came for me, he’d said. To once again try to convince me to move away with him, to abandon her in some care facility.
When she’d finally succumbed to her early-onset dementia, he’d dropped everything to come out and help me. I would be eternally grateful for having him there because facing all of that alone would’ve been awful.
I shook myself out of those thoughts and looked around, remembering that he’d said he was coming with his friend, but I didn’t see anyone else.
“Where’s your friend?”
“Oh, Lea had some kind of event. I totally forgot about it and so did he, apparently, but he said he’d be here soon.”
I didn’t know much about my brother’s best friend Lea, but I knew Shea loved him like family.
Like a brother.
My chest felt too tight, and a burning sensation started in the pit of my stomach as one of the many resentments I tried to keep buried bobbed to the surface—an awful, acrid envy that this Lea person got to spend all the years I’d missed with Shea.
Logically, I was very aware that Lea hadn’t stolen Shea away from me, that Shea had left on his own—and for good reason. But there was a bitterness in my heart that didn’t care at all about logic. It happened, he’d done it, and he’d spent all this time with Lea.
It felt like he’d replaced me, in a way.
“What’s wrong?”
I looked up to find Shea watching me closely, concern etched into his features.
“Nothing, sorry. I’m just tired.”