lol *whipcrack*
Another name slid in next to theirs.
Jackpot:
I heard my name. BoBo I’m with Brian on this one for once. How long you even been there? But if you do come to NY we could finally hang out. Just sayin.
Ugh. They were the worst.
Me:
like…4 days? If you count the first one?
WhyNotBoth?:
Christ dude, settle in and enjoy the show. Aren’t you by the ocean? You always wanted to see it. Come on, how bad could it really be? And you get to spend time with Shea.
Jackpot:
Brian’s right. Again. Ugh, can’t believe I’m agreeing with him. Gotta go to class but keep me updated. Luv you BoBo!
Me:
love you, Jackie. Okay, I mean maybe you’re right. Ugh it’s just really uncomfortable. You guys know I can’t…tell anyone. About me.
StarShine:
I know baby. It’ll be okay. You do it whenever you’re ready, and if you never are, that’s okay too. But I hope one day you are. I know you’ll be happier because of it.
WhyNotBoth?:
^ yep. Much happier, in my esteemed opinion.
Me:
yeah. I know you’re probably right, but…I’m really scared. Ok, I gotta start work. Talk to you guys later.
I exited the chat and hung my head in my hands.
They were right. I knew they were right. I couldn’t just run away because I was deeply afraid of myself. I couldn’t abandon Shea like he’d abandoned me. I knew how that felt, and I couldn’t put him through that. We’d both been through enough, and he’d seemed so happy when I agreed to come here. Genuinely, ridiculously, happy.
But I also didn’t want to stay in Lea’s apartment for another night.
If Lea didthaton a regular basis—which he already had been—living here would be torture. It already was, actually. Staying here any longer would be like living in a hell that was masquerading as a heaven I hardly ever let myself dream of.
Maybe I could find a hotel nearby?
I didn’t know. I should probably sit on the idea of moving so soon and give myself time to adjust. So much had happened in such a short time that of course I was overwhelmed. It was going to take more than a few days to get used to everything.
A glance at the clock told me I had ten minutes to start work, so I ran to the bathroom and did what I needed to before I’d be stuck at my desk until lunch. On the way back to my room, I caught a glimpse of Lea in a short red robe, his back to me as he walked to the kitchen and hummed quietly.
My cheeks burned as I tore my eyes away from those long legs and hurried back to my room.
Lea was everything I’d secretly fantasized about for years. He was so, so beautiful, elegant, graceful, and gorgeous.
Sexy and out and open, confident and maybe a little wild. Everything I wasn’t and would never be.
Back in Kansas, I sometimes watched videos online of people like Lea. I would imagine myself walking hand in hand with someone as confident as him, with someone who found at least one thing about me that was worth loving, someone who could be my home. Someone I could be a home for, too.Someone I could take care of with every ounce of love in my heart.