“Rented a house on Arbor Lane.”
“Divinely close, you’re perfect.”
His laugh was deep and rough. “Let’s go then.”
Say no more, sexy stranger.
“Maybe next timeyou’ll actually listen to the person you’re having sex with!” I shouted, pulling my shirt on over my head. “God forbid someone has preferences!”
“Yeah, you prefer to be a fuckin’ tease!” The bastard slammed the door shut behind me, so hard it rattled in its frame. There was muffled shouting from behind the door that gradually faded as he walked away.
What a goddamn prick.
I paused at the top of the porch stairs, patted my pockets to make sure I had my wallet and keys, then jogged down the stone steps as I muttered insults under my breath.
I really knew how to pick them, didn’t I? And since when didnomeaneh, that’s just a suggestion, right?
Ugh. I grabbed the hem of my shirt and lifted it to scrub at my mouth. He’d basically suction-cupped his lips to mine. Even if I wanted to kiss someone—which I didn’t—it definitely wouldn’t be like that.
Was it so hard to respect someone’s wishes? Was it seriously that goddamn hard?
Don’t kiss me.
It was a simple request, one I gave to all my hookups.
Please don’t kiss me.Everything else is on the table.
I didn’t know if he had the memory of a goldfish or if he’d deliberately ignored my request, but it didn’t matter.
He’d put his mouth on mine when it was the one thing I’d explicitly—and repeatedly—told him not to do.
That was the last time I picked up a random guy at a random bar.
I mean, it probably wasn’t, but still. I needed to do a little more vetting before the heavy petting.
I let out a long breath, stuck my hands in my pockets, and turned left down Rothford Street.
Luckily the house my would’ve-been hookup was renting was only four blocks from my apartment. Soon enough I would be sitting on my couch, gorging myself on chocolate, and watching gloriously bad reality shows.
Whether I’d slept with that asshole or been at home watching reality TV, my night would’ve been a mindless blur of pleasure. An endless barrage of dopamine until I passed out, woke up, and did it all over again.
Anything to keep myself from thinking too hard. From letting my thoughts drift deeper to that miserable self-doubt. As long as I kept filling myself up with shallow indulgences, as long as I kept things light and close to the surface, then I was safe.
I closed my eyes and inhaled, catching the faint aroma of fried cake batter. A few blocks away screams of exhilaration punctured the night, coming in waves as the rides in the amusement park took their twists and turns.
Blue Harbor was the perfect place for me. Everyone came here chasing pleasure in some form or another, so it was full of hedonists like me.
Maybe not everyone. Not anymore.
Beau’s face flashed through my mind. No, he didn’t seem like the type to seek out momentary pleasures just for the thrill of it. He was a keeper, that one.
The thought unearthed an ache that never failed to torment me after nights like these, and lately, it was getting harder and harder to ignore. It was like a Charley horse of the soul, and never did it hurt more than when I was left with only myself.
It was a loneliness that was always there, waiting to find me at my most vulnerable moments. It was one of the reasons why I constantly looked for someone to spend the night with—outside of the fact that I loved sex, that was.
Even when I was with my friends, I felt like a critical piece of me was missing. And part of me knew I was denying myselfthat missing piece. That it was my own fault I was suffering this loneliness, that it was entirely self-imposed.
Ugh, fuck this sad sappy shit.