“I hate you,” I tell him, but he doesn’t loosen his grip.
“I can live with that.” He replies.
“I wish it were you on that fucking table,” I know my words are venomous, but I can’t contain them. I hate the feeling burrowing into my chest right now.
“So do I, regina mia. Trust me, so do I.” He holds me up, my body going slack in his grip. The fight in me is draining as Sebastian gets further and further from my reach.
twenty-two
I triedto fight Sebastian’s ruling, but it was no use. Matteo has been standing guard at my door for nearly an hour as I pack my things as slowly as humanly possible.
“You know this isn’t right.” I tell Matteo, but he avoids looking at me.
“It doesn’t matter what I know.” He replies, typing furiously on his phone.
“What did he say to you? Before they took him…what did he say?” I ask, and his eyes snap to mine. I can see the pain there. Sebastian is his best friend. I know this is killing him.
“Nothing for your ears, Vanessa.” He bites back, anger barely banked.
“That’s bullshit, Teo. Tell me.” I demand, folding the black silk dress Sebastian bought me in Rome into my bag.
I never wanted material things from him. I only wanted him. But a part of me feels like I need something to remind me my time here wasn’t all a dream or a fantasy I made up in my mind. That his love for me was real, I felt it, I wrapped it around my heart and my body just like my silk dress. I cross my arms overmy chest defensively after I zip my last bag closed, staring back at Matteo for an answer.
“He told me to make sure you got on the plane. And I intend to do that. Now, let’s go.” He hefts my luggage onto his shoulder, turning on his heels and leaving the room without another word.
The drive to the airstrip is silent, both of us completely lost in our thoughts. Am I going to have to fly all the way back home alone? I suppose this is how I will have to face my life for the foreseeable future, so I might as well get used to it again. My taste of a life with Sebastian was barely more than an appetizer. I don’t know why I thought it could have been more than that. Part of me feels like I should still be crying. But the tears won’t come. There’s only an emptiness inside of me that feels cavernous, endless, like a pit that will never be filled by anything or anyone but Sebastian.
“Go back to the apartment. Sebastian thinks it will be safer.” Matteo says, and I scoff.
“I don’t really give a fuck what Sebastian thinks right now, Matteo. If he truly cared for my safety, he wouldn’t be putting an entire ocean between us right now.” I lean my head against the window, watching the beautiful countryside pass by.
Once we reach the airstrip, he passes my bags to the crew robotically. He doesn’t spare me a second glance, and for a moment I think he might even leave without telling me goodbye. But I’m shocked when he climbs onto the jet behind me, taking the seat across from me. He doesn’t look happy about it at all.
“What are you doing, Teo?” I ask, and he avoids my gaze.
“Following orders, Vanessa.” He replies, and something in my chest squeezes.
“You…he told you to come with me? I don’t…I don’t understand…you are supposed to protect Fortuna in his absence.” I’m confused by what’s happening, but I have my suspicions. I don’t want to believe they’re true on the offchance they’re not. The disappointment would hurt worse than Sebastian sending me away.
“It seems he decided something else was more important to defend. Someone was more important to him. Never in all the years I’ve known him has he ever given priority to anything over Fortuna Nera, Vanessa.” Matteo meets my gaze, intensity burning there. I can’t quite tell how he feels about Sebastian’s decision, but it doesn’t look good.
He chose to send his right hand to protect me, to see me home, rather than leave him here to guard the family in his absence? This is his way of showing me I am more important to him than Fortuna Nera? The weight of his decision settles around us in the plane’s cabin.
“Please understand what I’m going to say very clearly, Vanessa. Never has Sebastian ever put anything or anyone over Fortuna.Never. It’s not in his nature. He was born and bred to live and breathe for this family. But in you, he’s found a different kind of family. And I am grateful to you for showing him there is more than the darkness that has lived inside of him for so long. Give him some patience. I know this isn’t what you want, but it’s what he truly believes is best. He wouldn’t choose this if he believed there was any other alternative.” Matteo pleads Sebastian’s case. But honestly, there isn’t a need. My anger with Sebastian has fizzled out.
As much as I hate being separated from him, I understand every move he makes is calculated. Now, I only want to hear word that his surgery is complete, and he’s okay. I know he will be. Internally, I’m manifesting it as hard as I possibly can. My sister always told me manifestation was the best possible way to attain your dreams, along with determination and hard work. I’ve done the work, I’ve paid all the dues, now I just have to bring it into existence that he will come out of this stronger thanbefore. We will find each other again. I refuse to do anything but manifest the hell out of this shit.
“Have you heard anything from the doctor?” I ask, and Teo flinches.
“He’s still working on him. I imagine it will be several hours, he’s a very meticulous man.” Matteo grips his phone in his hand so tightly I fear it might snap.
“What’s with you and the doc? You have some kind of beef with him?” I might be overstepping, but I might as well pry as much as I can now if we’re gonna be stuck on this plane for the next ten hours.
“Nothing. It’s nothing.” Matteo dismisses me, his eyes shuddering. He looks out the window as the door of the jet is sealed.
“Bullshit. May as well lay it on me. What happens on the plane, stays on the plane, Teo.” I shrug, buckling my lap belt.
“There’s really not much story to tell. Old men hold their ideals tighter than a virgin’s knees, Vanessa. I grew up in this organization, but that doesn’t mean it was always the path I envisioned for myself. Once Sebastian was sure he wanted to take over for his father, I had no doubt I would take over for mine as his right hand. But my uncle, he didn’t let go of my dreams as easily as I did.” Matteo leans back, holding up a hand for the flight attendant to bring him a drink.