“Uh huhhh, I’m sure you could fall in love…with Italy.” She’s fishing, but I won’t make it that easy for her.
“Beautiful artwork, the most romantic scenery. I mean, what’s not to love here, right?” I tease.
“You’re going to make me drag it out of you, aren’t you?” She gripes, and I snicker.
“I have no idea what you mean.” I feign ignorance, knowing this is driving her crazy. I know Rory thinks something is going on between Sebastian and I. She’s right, so I can’t really deny anything.
“Had any of that delicious Italian sausage on your trip yet, Vanessa?” she blurts out, and I choke.
“Oh, my fucking god! You are deranged!” I screech. She cackles through the line, her laughter absolutely contagious as I dissolve into a fit of my own.
“Well? That wasn’t a no!” she prods for more information, and I hope she can hear my eye roll through the phone.
“Things are…good.” I say, my voice at least two octaves higher than usual.
“Good?” she asks, and I groan.
“Great.” I reply, knowing I’m selling the situation way too short.
“Just great?” She should interrogate for the CIA.
“Ughhhh FINE! They’re amazing!He’samazing! Aurora, he’s incredible. He’s so sexy, and smart, and fuck, the intensity theman exudes is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced in my life.” I feel like a teenage girl with her first crush all over again.
“Ah, I remember this feeling so vividly. Actually, I still have it on the daily every time I look at my husband. Are you just stalking on the DL or are the feelings mutual?” She asks, and I smile.
“Most definitely mutual.” I hesitate, wondering if I should reveal the depth of our relationship. But who the hell else am I supposed to talk to about all this if not Aurora? “He told me he loves me, Ror.”
Silences drags on though the line. I fold my lips between my teeth, waiting for Rory’s response, but all I hear is her steady breathing.
“Did you have an aneurysm?” I ask, and she snorts.
“I don’t even know what to say. In the few years I've known Sebastian, I’ve never even considered him falling in love. He's just so…serious.” she says, and I can’t argue.
“You’re not wrong. The way he speaks to me, the way he makes me feel, it’s never felt more serious, Aurora. And if I’m being honest, it terrifies me. I don’t know how to be loved that way. Or if I'm even capable of loving someone else like that. I know I want to, and I’m willing to try. But what if…” A heavy sigh escapes my lips and I bury my free hand in my hair.
“What if what?” She sounds so motherly, so soft and gentle.
“What if I fail him?” I finally speak the words I've been afraid to since the moment his lips first met mine.
I would be truly heartbroken if I became another responsibility for him, another weight on his shoulders that wasn’t even worth carrying.
“Vanessa, I wish I could hold your hand when I say this. But please, just listen to me. Shut the fuck up. You know you could never fail anyone you love. That is absolutely not something you’re capable of. You put your heart and soul into everythingand everyone you commit to, and Sebastian would never be anything less. If anything, he would be so much more. I know you’ve been let down by your family time and time again. And you’ve been toyed with by boys before. That’s a whole ass man you’ve got there, honey. Trust me, it’s a whole different ball game.” I know she’s right. She’s only echoing the exact words my logical mind has been telling me.
“Can I ask you something? Will you give me a completely honest answer?” She asks, and I already know what’s coming.
“Of course,” I reply, bracing myself. Confessing my feelings to Seb is one thing. Telling the rest of the world how I feel is something completely different. It feels so much more vulnerable, so much more intimate.
“Do you love him?” She questions, and I don’t have to think about my answer.
“Yes. I love him.” I reply, unable to stop the smile that overtakes my face.
“Fuckin’ knew it!” She shouts, and I laugh.
“He drives me absolutely insane, but I do.” I reply, dark brown eyes flashing through my mind.
“Oh, you’ll come to learn that’s the very best part. You think Break is all sunshine and roses? No, that man is certifiable. He makes me question my sanity daily. But I know he is the only person on this entire god-forsaken planet I would ever want by my side. He’s walked through hell to protect me, and I know he’d do it again without question. He is every missing part of me. I know all those perfectly healed women talk about how you have to stand on your own and you can’t love someone else if you’re not complete as you are, and that’s fine. For them maybe. But I know I would absolutely die without that man.” She speaks about her husband in the way I’ve always longed to feel for another person. In the way I feel every time Sebastian is near.
It’s scary, the feeling of needing someone so much it’s as if your heart won’t beat without them. It’s amazing how quickly your mind and body forget how they ever functioned before that person came into your life. I’ve always dreamed of finding someone who could truly understand my soul and accept it without judgement. I never thought it was in the cards for me until Sebastian strolled into my life, all Armani and attitude, and ruined all my perfectly laid plans. I was happy to be a bitch forever. Well, maybe not happy. But content. Now, I’ll never be the same without him.