It had been six months since her relationship ended, and there’d been no one else since then. Besides, she already knew how wantonly she responded to Knox, and she wanted more of that warmth and closeness with him. Only with him.
Things hadn’t always been good between her and Andrew during their nine-year relationship, but Ellie had never so much as looked at another man during that time. Since Knox came into her life, she found it hard to look at anything or anybody else, because his very presence demanded she didn’t.
Knox was…all-consuming. In looks, in the intensity of his manner, and in the way he didn’t try to hide his attraction to her.
She shook her head. “I’m really not sure any of this is a good idea…”
“But?”
She frowned. “I didn’t add a but.”
“The hesitation in your voice implied it was there.”
She chewed her bottom lip. “What do you want from me, Knox?”
“Everything.”
Her eyes widened. “What does that mean?”
“It means I want your now, your future, your everything.”
Ellie stared at him for several long seconds before speaking huskily. “You have no idea how much I want that too.”
“I hear another silent but…?”
She smiled sadly. “I also want babies.” She saw the flare of alarm in Knox’s eyes before it was hidden away in the depths of his dark eyes. “You don’t.”
“I’ve never said that.”
“You don’t need to,” she soothed. “But I can’t be in another relationship where what I want is just pushed aside or ignored altogether.”
She had made a promise to herself that if she ever fell in love or entered another long-term relationship, with or without marriage, she wouldn’t allow her wishes to be dismissed as they had been with Andrew. One of the things she wanted was to have babies of her own.
Knox was fourteen years older than her and had already gone through marriage and having a child once. No doubt when Millie Rose died, he had made an equally important promise to himself that he would never have any more children who could leave and break his heart.
He released a shaky breath. “I would never ignore what you wanted.”
“You wouldn’t mean to,” Ellie acknowledged gently. “But your feelings about not wanting any more children are as valid as my own of wanting them, and they simply aren’t compatible. We aren’t compatible.” She stood up to carry the dirty plates to the dishwasher. “I think that answers the question of where I’m going to sleep tonight.”
“Leave those,” Knox said harshly when she opened the dishwasher. “You cooked. I’ll clear away.”
“We both?—”
“Ellie, please just leave it and go upstairs and unpack your things.” His voice sounded strained. “The spare bedrooms are on the right of the hallway. I need some time to think.” He forced a tight smile. “Forgive me. I didn’t expect you in my life, but now that you are, I find I have some serious thinking I need to do if this…we are to go any further.”
It was a little early for Ellie to go to bed, but she appreciated that Knox needed some time to himself. She was an intruder in his apartment, after all. She would do as he suggested and go upstairs and unpack. She then intended to soak in a leisurely bath for as long as she wanted, and then read in bed if it was still early.
While Knox wanted time to think, she needed that same time to take her mind off thoughts of him.
Knox’s movements were robotic as he cleared away the dishes, something he had done many times before and didn’t have to put any thought into at all.
Which was just as well, because Ellie had given him plenty to think about.
And he did, long and hard as he sat in the sitting area holding a glass of whisky he never actually finished.
He knew and had instantly recognized his attraction to her. Almost a week of being unable to resist thinking about her had only deepened those feelings. He had fallen for her even more when she became so protective of his feelings during their visit to Geoff and Karen.
They were absolutely explosive together on a physical level. He had never responded so deeply with any other woman and from the way Ellie had responded he believed it was the same for her.