“Get up, Elias,” Archer says. No sympathy.
We go again. And again. Each time I put him down, the feeling in my chest grows. I’m learning to control my body, my space, my choices. Nobody is handing me that. I’m earning it.
We stop for a quick lunch and then get back to it. By the time Archer calls it, the sun is low, and my whole body aches in such a good way. The kind of ache that means I accomplished something today.
Elias is sprawled on the grass, staring at the sky. “She’s going to kill me,” he announces. “Death by omega. What a way to go.” His grin is blissful and a little contagious.
I smile, dropping down beside him, and catch my breath. “You’re welcome.”
He turns his head to look at me. His eyes are soft, no joke behind them for once. “You’re a fast learner, Blue.”
“Had to be,” I say. And it comes out honest instead of hard.
Archer sits down on my other side. The three of us just lay there in the grass as the light fades, and nobody says anything for a while. Silas is still on the porch, watching us as the first few stars come into view.
Somewhere in the distance, the sound of an axe on wood starts up again, steady and rhythmic. Darius, back at the chopping block. Still alone. Still working through whatever it is he can’t say.
I stare up at the sky and think about what Cassia told me. About who he was at sixteen, about the male under all the brooding.
I’m not ready to forgive him, not yet. But for the first time, I think I might want to understand him.
“You okay?” Archer asks.
“Fine.”
After a while, I lean against him. “You smell all sweaty,” I say, but it smells good, really good, kind of like a cowboy. I want to breathe him in and never stop—a mix of leather, clove, and cedar.
I jerk away from Archer, suddenly aware of what I’m doing. His warmth lingers on my side where I’d been pressed against him, and shame floods through me.
What am I doing?Leaning on him like we’re friends?
I scramble to my feet, brushing grass off my pants with shaking hands. “I should go shower.”
“Blue?” Archer looks up at me, his brow furrowed. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No,” I snap, backing away. “I just need… space.”
This is how they get you. First, they’re nice. Then they teach you things, make you feel strong, let you think you have choices. Then they use it against you. Stuart taught me that lesson with brutal efficiency.
“I’m not falling for it,” I mutter, low enough that I hope they can’t hear.
Elias props himself up on his elbows. “Falling for what?”
“Forget it.”
I spin on my heel and march toward the cabin, passing Silas on the porch. He reaches for my arm, but I jerk away from him, too. His face falls, and something in my chest twists painfully.
Inside, I lock myself in the bathroom and turn the shower on as hot as it will go. The steam fills the small space as I strip off my sweat-soaked clothes and step into the scalding water. I hiss as it hits my skin, but I don’t adjust the temperature. The heat feels like punishment, and right now, I need that.
I scrub my skin raw, trying to wash away the feeling of Archer’s hands on me during training, the memory of Silas’s arms around me last night, the sight of Darius’s bare back as he chopped wood. But the harder I scrub, the more my skin tingles, and the more aware I become of the empty ache between my thighs.
“Stupid. Stupid. Stupid,” I mutter, pressing my forehead against the cool tile.
My hand drifts down my stomach. I freeze, fingers hovering just above where the wires used to be. I haven’t touched myself there since before. Five years. Five years of being sewn shut, of pain with every movement, of poison leaking into my bloodstream.
Tentatively, my fingers brush against the tender flesh. I gasp, the sensation so intense, but it’s no longer pain, it’s something else entirely. Something I’d forgotten was possible.
I explore myself slowly, rediscovering what was taken from me. My fingers slide through the slickness, exploring the folds of my body—my body—that for so long had been nothing but a source of pain and shame. The sensation is overwhelming, almost too much. I lean back against the tile wall, water cascading over my breasts, and circle my clit with trembling fingers.