Is that what this is?
Are we making love?
“And this one’s Banano,” says TJ, pulling a big, banana-shaped plushie off the shelf. It’s another afternoon when he’s brought me into his new office located in the separate family guesthouse—not to be confused with the guestwing, which is attached to the main house. He claims he’s spent exactly four and a half minutes in here since he’s been home this whole summer. We’re both shirtless, having just come in from another dip in the pool. “He’s … really squishy. Like, super-duper-duper squishy. Handle with care.”
I gently take the plushie, treating it with as much tenderness as he just did. It has a cute, lopsided face. It’s so soft that no matter how I hold it, its whole face contorts. I can’t help but smile back, looking at it. “The first creature you came out to.”
“Unless you count Cole Harding as a creature. His unnatural beauty sort of qualifies him. That perfect man isnothuman.”
I give Banano a little kiss on the forehead, then return him to the shelf. “Your collection of stuffed animals is so dang cute.”
“Plushies.Notstuffed animals. And you better be glad I’m not a jealous type,” he says, “having the audacity to kiss Banano like that in front of me.”
I smirk at him. “Says the guy who just called this Cole dude a ‘perfect man’ with ‘unnatural beauty’ …”
“First, he’s engaged to a lovely guy named Noah who works at the Spruce Press. Second, you’ll understand when you meet him.”
“WhenI meet him?”
“Yeah, of course.” He shrugs, all matter-of-fact. “I want you to meet all my friends.” After a thought, he adds: “Eventually. Like, when it’s safe … or whatever.”
I don’t know why the idea hits me so hard. Like I hadn’t even considered meeting anyone else in his life outside this house.
Or maybe it’s his use of the word “safe”.
Like some part of me isn’t.
“Told my mom not to tell anyone yet. Other than Dad. About us.” He leans back against his desk, looking all sexy in just a pair of shorts, tempting me just by existing. “She thinks it’s just because I want to come out in my own time. And that’s sorta true. But … she doesn’t know the full reason. Like, the other half of the reason.”
“Chase Holt being that other half,” I finish for him.
“Bingo.” He always sounds so cute when he says that. But in this particular moment, the cuteness is lost. “She’ll scream. When I tell her, I mean. It’s her dream for me to be with someone who’s got music in their blood. But … I won’t tell her until it’s okay,” he quickly assures me. “I know your anonymity here is paramount.”
“Paramount,” I echo, amused at his choice of word. I guess the temptation wins, as I rush up to him and wrap my arms around his sexy waist, tugging his body against mine. “I trust your parents.”
“Yeah, but doItrustthem? My mom isdyingto brag to Nadine that she’s got a gay son.Dying. And once Nadine knows, the whole town will know. That’s how it works here.”
“Well, come your Fourth of July Boomin’ Barbecue thing, I’ll be meetin’ the whole town anyway. Someone’s bound to recognize me. So the real question is … do you trust your town?”
He squints. “What do you mean?”
“If everyone finds out. Would the town keep a secret?” I put a kiss on his cheek. Then his neck. He bites his lip and rocks his head back. “Would Spruce … protect you? Keep you safe?” I kiss under his chin, then place kisses down the center of his neck to his chest. “If a reporter dropped in … or one of my fans tracks us here …”
“Your kisses aresuperdistracting …”
I run my lips over one of his nipples. “If that big world outside descended on us …”
“We just had a … a taste of that in my backyard last summer.” He squirms under the touch of my tongue on his skin. “This male beauty pageant thing that sorta went off the … therails.” He can barely keep his breath with what I’m doing to his sensitive nipple. “We seemed to handle our own, despite the … influx of visitors …”
I lift my face back to his, kiss his lips, then smile. “Your town sounds mighty resilient, then.”
“Mighty,” he agrees, out of breath.
“So maybe it’s not so bad.” I pull away from him to get a look in his eyes. “Y’know. If your mom finds out about me. Won’t you need to tell her before the Fourth anyway?”
He lifts his eyebrows. “Are you sure about that?”
“I’ll tell you what I’m sure about. You. Your happiness. Being the stick that yanks you outta the quicksand—yep, I’m still keepin’ up with that metaphor—and I’m sure about keepin’ youfree from feelin’ trapped. I refuse to be just another cage you’re kept in.”