“Trusting dreams and nightmares can’t touch you, ‘cause they ain’t touched you before…”
It’s edged in pain, his voice. Angrier than the song I heard out in the rain at the Horseshoe. Grittier than the song I let play in my room that one night not so long ago. But that voice in the flesh …
That voice and those words.
“You know the danger, quicksand…”
“But you’ve only dipped a toe.”
“‘Til your toe talks your leg into it.‘Til your leg talks your dick into it.Then your racing heart and your whole damned mind, ‘til it’s all you know.Yeah your whole damned mind, where those dreams come from…”
“And the nightmares.”
I turn away from the door. The unrelenting music pulls me in, not once letting go, as I slowly return to the concert hall.
“You don’t realize how deep he’s got you sinkin’…”
“‘Til all you taste is sand…”
“And him, yeah, and him, yeah, and him, and him, and him…”
A staccato note and smash of drums, then silence.
“Then you sink some more.”
Music crashes back in like thunder.
The moment he’s in view, he’s a blur of colors and lights. His face, shadowed under the brim of a cowboy hat. People all around me, screaming, throwing hands. I cut through them like I’m not even there, like I’m a ghost.
“Is it better, tell me, is it better to sidestep the danger of you?”
“Why does it hurt, I’m beggin’ you, why does it hurt?”
“And I sink some more…”
Then I’m right there in the heart of the crowd. Chase Holt on the stage, attacking that guitar with all his heart, with all his soul, the light catching a glint of bright teeth as he bares them, anguish fueling his song.
“You know the danger, quicksand, but I can’t fall, I can’t fall…”
“I can’t fall, I can’t fall…”
The last chord strikes, drums crash to an end, bass line hangs in the air as Chase Holt holds that last note, then finishes:
“I can’t fall…for you.”
A breath of awe-filled silence.
Then the crowd roars around me.
Chase Holt lifts his head, shadow of his hat slipping off his face like a veil of dark silk, revealing his eyes—just as they land on mine, the only face in a sea of screaming adoration standing still.
Chapter 12.
Chase
Ian once said I’d face impossible challenges in my career.
I’m not sure this is one either of us imagined.