These are just the tip of my iceberg brain as I feel Timothy’s soft lips playing against mine, kissing me with just the right force, hungry enough, yet careful, not wanting to spook me.
He can’t spook me.
Not even if he tried to devour me.
If that isn’t, in some way, what he’s already doing.
He pulls away first, like something scared him. And when my eyes pop open, I find him staring back with a thousand questions in his eyes.
I want to tell him. So fucking badly, I want to tell him.
I’m Chase Holt. I’m the guy on the stage you never saw. I’m who you ran into in that hallway. I’m who you just kissed.
I want him to know all of that.
But isn’t it also kind of a lie?
Aren’t I, in so many ways,notChase Holt?
I can sing a dozen love songs a night, but if I’m not living it, if I’m not feeling it like I am right here in this creaky movie theater seat with this guy I can’t peel my eyes off of, then how dare I sing a single fucking lyric about love?
I think I’m more therealme right now than I’ve ever been.
With the snake skin of Chase Holt shed off.
“Can I …?” Timothy starts to ask, then stops himself, like he’s too afraid to ask.
“Yes, please,” I answer for him.
Our lips reunite.
This time, the passion grows. He stirs in his seat, restless. I do, too, turning my legs to get better leverage. Our big tub of popcorn goes all over the floor. Neither of us care. My hands rise to caress his face, to keep it in front of mine. He puts his hands on me, too, on my chest and one of my shoulders, holding me there. I tilt my head for better purchase as the kiss deepens.
It’s incredible, how encouraging the sound of mere breath is.
You’re doing this right, it seems to whisper at me.More, it goes on, pulling and pushing.You can never take too much from me, just keep going, don’t stop, it goes on, waves crashing against the shore, pulling back in. That’s him pulling me in, deeper and deeper.
One second, it’s not enough and will never be enough.
The very next, it’s too much, and I have my hands on his chest and retreat from his lips. “Timothy …” I gasp.
“Sorry,” he hisses, out of breath. “I got too … I-I was too …”
“No, no,” I quickly hush him. “You’re perfect. There is …” I let out a sudden tension-breaking laugh, beside myself. Is this really my life right now? I’ve never felt more happy. “There is nothing at all on God’s green earth to apologize for.”
“Really?”
“I want more of that. I do,” I insist, meeting his eyes, catching my breath even still. “I just … I just don’t want to take … uh …”
“Take advantage?” he finishes for me. “You’re not. I promise. You are so, so,sonot.”
“I figured.”
“But I … I get it.” He nods quickly, eyes glowing in the light off the screen. “I don’t want to rush this.”
“Me neither.”
“So, uh …” He glances over at the screen, then squints. “Is that guy getting his earlobes nibbled on by an alien?”